flash back- part 1- terrible, horrible, vegetable T_T

After all those tiring weeks before... (go to House Of Joy) Leo Mission to be a tutor. For the 1st time in this semester, i finally feel like the "weekend is belong to me. take my time ^^"

Stupid me, this tine i suposse to do what i expected for long long time ago... have a good.. deep... sleep!

But what to do? why suddenly feel so excited? Then start to think so far... to memorize the past... to imagine de future... hei... come back!!!

Lets just write for fun, as a diary... nOBOdy know... and they won't know...

Things start once i finished my primary school. I've made decision which change my life... may be my destiny neither... I've made decision that result me mix with different people which is kind of almost impossible for me to mess with before... experience many things that i never even think about it before... learn alot of things that i don't even dare to expect...

All was started from 8 years ago... de day a young little girl start het=r journey... she was just 12 years old that time... what she knew that time?? NOTHING. i BET that she was the straightest person in de class dat time . . . totally innoncent... suddenly expose to de new word... which she dunno how de rule goes... How de things going on... how de unwritten law works...

"Dad, i want to go oversea to continue my high school" "Are you sure? there is not as easy as u think. We won't stay there wih you. We also don't have relative there to take care of u. u are all alone there. " "It's ok, i can cope with that. I want to learn to be independent. Dun worry about me" DEAL. shit !! WHY MY DAD SO STEADY DAT TIME??? He directly rang his friend the next day yhen settle all de passport and visa's thing. PERFECT. 1st time he holding my hand infront of de school. So BIG, So strange(of course lah, im a stranger here), and so many so so and so. My heart start to hit louder and louder... But b cos of my pride, i keep silent. When he hold me to register... silent...paid de deposit then walk to de hostel , Wat de???(it's ok, it's me who want to come, nobody force me) See de room...(surrender... calm down, be rational, paid alrd) & LAST but Not LEAST, de dining hall.... (No explaination nor excuse... i cry out like CRAZY)

Dat nite i slept at hotel with my Dad & my grandma, im her eldest son's eldest daughter. Dats mean i am de 1st and used to be the only child in my Dad's big big family. 4 brothers and 4 sisters. Used to be fll with ALL de LOVE(wat to do, all of my aunts stay with my dad b4 they married. hehe now they are every where HongkoNg , Singapore, China. kaka allowed me to travel to there without any worried now) And my dearest aunties and their mother which is my grand ma, tend to protect me when my dad or mom wanna scolded me or cun me. My aunties even help me wen mum prohibited me from taking too much snacks, wat to do, i told u i am de oni child in de big big family, how can they control dem self not to dote me?

back to de point, after yaki me to buy all de utensils, They plan to go back by de next day.Good... just 3 Days. Then throw me alone here. Imagine my fear... padan muka. Still remember their the view from their back, wen they are walked back to taxi stand. I can't even said a word. looking for them from 3rd floor of my hostel, between pride and homesick. I felt like my life is finished.

I woke up at night, around 12.30am, in a crowed 12 peoples room, no mosaic's floor, no air cond and a large number of mosquito. How come i stupid till never think about dis things wen i asked them to send me here? I miss my home, i miss my air cond room. i miss my best friends there, i miss my cousinn nephews and niece. Wat de hell im doin here? If i m not mistaken, i guess i will be here for next 6 years. OMG... dat nite i was crying till fell a sleep. Very tired...

I just didn't realize dat de real night mare haven't stop here. Fall a sleep uneasily but being wole up by 6am, i oni realize dat every room is fix with a speaker which working together and warden's office is where all de sound polution came from. They will play de song from MY FM(it will be a nice thing if de pa system is high class, de thing is, IT'S SUCK) i guess dey know dis problem since i know from senior dat dey did it purposely to wake us up. If within 1 hour we haven finish and go down, dey will lock us in hostel and u ready to get warning letter from your form teacher.

1st day passes. I have to accept that i am crying the whole day... like crazy. wat r u expected from a 12 years old girl who oni can write down her own chinese name and suddenly being thrown among de only 1 chinese independent school in Malacca??? Who care about u? u r foreigner, ppl dun know wat u r talkin about. ur slank are defenately male ppl blur, so ... why they botther bout u?

Some more, u know de terrible thing? de teacher writing so fast but i don't think it will be a barriers for de local students to read her words but not forme. i just "draw out a few words when she just rub all de board and start write de 2nd page. " Dat kind of feelin... with communication barriers... Since dat time , i promise to my self, i wont let u al look down of me.

Back to my room, doin my stuff, during de nite, de room's head, my senior ask me to see de time table whether my turn is to tidy up de room, toilet or coridor...(Now only u know how lucky u r been in inti)

It's not easy for me. Since then only i realize that i shouldn't be doted so much. Your own family can always step back for u, forgive u, but not with others. Sometimes you should learn how to accept de situation if u want to survive. Play in their rules especially if u r new to de society.

Even at ome got maid, help u to do this and dat, I learned from dat even how reach u are, task is task. You should do your own task. But then that time i oso quite curious why there are few senior ni need to work then , got another senior help dem to work???

I also learn dat u can't expect anything goes as wa u expected. Yes, some times life is not fair. But instead of changing your whole environment who sometimes might be mission impossible , you can actually change your perception towards a thing. see it from diffrrent situation.

Today, i can tell u i am not regret to be sent outside alone, to be suffered, used to be bullied, used to be look down. Now i learn alot... A lot of communication skills which become my asset that can be used for my entire life and it is belong to me.

Since then, there is no innoncent girl anymore, she do everything in planning. the final result must be fot her own benefit. But she still can hide it carefully, make people think she is so innoncent and so pure. That is not cheating. That is an art.One of the most important skills to learn and apply in your life. So i don't want to heard any words about bad girl. Imagine how you can survive between so many local peole whose culture in de school is kia su (fear to be loose)