@miracle@

to be honest

i don't believe in miracle
i believe in effort, confident, faith

to be harsh,
i will see miracle happened to me in the past as "luck"

but tonight...
i desperately wishing for a miracle

i need a miracle
i want a miracle

do i deserve?
shall i wait?

does it exist?
if it does, please show me...

@check list@

if you meet your dream man who meet all your criteria and marry him.
you are sleeping with a man you love or sleeping with "a list of ideal criteria?"

If you already in love so deeply with some one,
you are no longer in the position to negosiate.

He might not meet even 1 of the criteria that you list down.
He might be a bastard, but still... he is the one who give you that feeling.

strungling

It's 6.08pm
Gathering nite is 6.30pm

and I, still strungling whether i'm going or not.
I love to meet new members
I love to see them pledge
I love to be their facilitator
I love to play games with them
I love to teach them morale dance

but... I love my face

Seeing Arthur (past immediate president) move on after he graduated, come to another stage of his life as officer,
and I am still stuck here as student. After end of the term, i am an ordinary student.

Ok, i should make up my mind. Enter the court with a neutral heart, try to do the best as I can, even to contribute as an advisor, as a member, as a facilitator.

Show mutual respoect to everyone... you can handle this barriers (girl, you don't afraid when you walk inside the shit pool, you don't afraid when you are trew with unpleasant comments, you don't afraid when you ate worms, why should you shaking like hell thinking about your "face", you DUMB)

Here i go, i am going to change my shirt, im going to prepared, im going to help and im going to enjoy the night... i am no longer vice president, ordinary girl.... SO WHAT?

I HEARD

people are free to speak out whatever they think

That's why you heard alot

I heard that "used to have it but lost it is more painful than never have it"

I don't totally agree with this; even though there is some fact in that. my power word for my statement is "AT LEAST"

Yea, may be at the end of story i lost it, but "at least i used to have it" and because i used to have it, i know what that is, i know how that feel, i know when to let go.

Most important, i will know to appreciate when i meet the better one in the future
I will also know to kick that out when i meet the worse. At least now you can measure

After all life is all about learning from experience right?
How can you be stong before you get hurt, before you felt down?

What can you tell to your grand children if the whole story of your life is like a straight line, over and over again... well protected?

cLiMb

some people, comfortable with the way they are

so they stand still, enjoying their simple, peaceful life

some people thirst for higher salary, higher authority

so they work very hard, try climb the ladder in his company

another type of people, they never satisfy on what they have

so they climb, not only the ladder, some times they even try to climb on you

write whatever you see, see whatever you like

Finally, there is something "good" that i found about myself (if can be conseidered as good)

I can walk around then see something, then come out with an article.. (oh my God)

I can just sit in my room, have a cup of coffee then think about something, then type a story

I can even sleep and think and jump out from bed to write down key word so i can develop another story the next day(off computer d, lazy to on, hekhek)

Even when sending formal email, doing report, i can type up to 5 pages (what the hell, this is too much)

Is this indicate that i might be future writter? nonono

I want to be entrepreneour. I want to be a business woman.

Wait... ok also wat? who says a business woman can not write book, who says entrepreneour can not write column?

Sometimes so confused, There was a state of my life, when my dream is so simple. Write a column in leading magazine. This kind of life is so unrestrained. write about people, write about life. I don't like trouble. With this kind of self employ job, maybe i will be happy.

But another half of myself strungling for more challenging job... due to my high ego and my ambition. I want to climb the ladder, as high as i can. I don't want to waste every single chance.

How if the time i take to become a well known writer can actually make me a top business woman? Does it worth? Of course this is a state of mind, it's based on individual perception.

So, for now, i will still write whatever i see... and see whatever i like

@clear@

It is important for you to make it clear that you are OBSESSED to OWN something/ CONQUER someone

because you really like it / love him (to satisfy your need)

or

because you know that you are not going to have it/him (to satisfy your ego)

true true

put off your shirt
put off your drees
put off your slipper
put off your mask

stand in front of mirror
stand in front yourself
stand in front of the truth
stand in front of fact

look at the mirror
look at yourself
look at your smiles
look at your tears

if you are humble
if you are kind
if you are so pure
if you are nice

how true we are
how deep we love
how much we give out
how much we get

what is the distance
what is the gap
what should you react
what have you reflect

Steffi Caroline
17 January 2010

@AnYtHinG@

I WILL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT MYSELF WHEN I CAN NO LONGER TAKE AN INTIMIDATION TOWARDS MYSELF... EVEN IF IT WILL MAKES ME A BITCH

RaNdOm ThiNgS

Yesterday when i walkin out to the balcony, i heard my hosue mate video camimg with her boy friend who study in UK now. I heard she asked "where got boy friend like this one? count about money to his own girl friend?" Then i heard a guy's voice "sure... this is because youyourselves want to buy that thing... not because i want to buy for you"

INTERESTING.

So you only will pay for it if you choose the thing which you like to give to ur girl friend...
When she choose the things she like, she need to pay her self.
Why don't make it simpler. You keep the money you use to buy her present to buy something she really like. win win solution ^.~

Thanks, Tin Chew

Thanks for invited me to your office to do my work when electricity is down in my apartment

Thanks for offering me coffee

Thanks for trust in me

Thanks for the encouragement and support

Thanks for give me accompany

Thanks for helping me carry the burden when i need

Thanks for printing 30 over copies of program flow in your office

Thanks for giving me your buscuits

Thanks for offering me the muffin that you made

Thanks for fixing my pps

Thanks for teaching me cook "lazy rice"

Thanks for giving me some inspiration about art

It really means alot to me,

THANK YOU, FRIEND

@STOP@

STOP CRYING YOUR HEART

you talk to him, you cry,

your heard people talk about him, you also cry.

you think about bad things he did to you, you cry.

you think about good things he have done to you, you also cry.

he scold you, you cry,

he said good things about you, you also cry.

he argue with you, you cry,

he stop talking to you, you also cry

Somebody told you seeing him with someone else, you cry

Somebody told you that he wants to see you, you also cry

Somebody took picture with him, you cry

Somebody's picture being taken by him, you also cry

Because of the present he gave you, you cry

Because of the present you gave him, you also cry

Because of some regrets and bad memories you had with him in the past, you cry

Because of good memories you gone through with him, you also cry

He took pictures of you, you mad

He took picture of others, you more mad

He tease you, you mad

He tease other girl, you more mad

STOP CRYING YOUR HEART

maybe, you don't deserve him

you deserve BETTER. (really?)

Making Changes

It sounds WOW!

Imagine... you... a nobody manage to make changes in some one's life
Mut be a great thing to do

But suddenly think of something. Is the changes that easy to make?
Why does the top management in many multinational company willing to soend so much money to request some outsiders to come and make changes in their company and not using their own advisor to evaluate the whole company and make adjustment and changes for the current condition?

I think it's because when a person (regardless how great he/ she is) stay in an environment for certain period of time, there are only 2 things happen to them; either they changed the environment of being changed by the environment.

How do you expect a person who already become a part of culture (good working culture,bad working culture) to change the condition it self? Outsider will see it in big picture, can find out the problem without bias, and may suggest appropriate steps to be taken to change an environment, change the working style, change the culture.

Do i consider think outside the box? Because i guess what happen to me is whether i "think out side the box" or i "thinking too much" and talk nonsense here. who cares, nobody will knows. ^_^

have a coffee, live a life

I don't know why

I'm kind of person who will still enjoying a cup of coffee slowly even the crisis is coming...

That's why i happened to late for most of the classes, late on my flight, late to my presentation...
all for the sake of coffee.

I don't care what will happen if i late. I don't care if i have to being scolded, I don't care even the world comes to the end... as long as i can enjoy my coffee


You might said that there is something wrong with my attitude... But this is my nature
Can't take my eye from coffee

Maybe

Maybe i am good in comforting some one who upset
but sometimes, i need people to comfort me too

Maybe i am good in giving people advise for decision that they are going to make
but there is a time when i am confused too and need someone to providing me advise

Maybe people will think i am the proper person to give them guidiance
but some times i might lost my own direction too

Maybe i looked happy all the time and manage to cheer people up
but when i am down, i also need people beside me to cheer me up

And why the hell are people expect the best from me?
Even i looked well, in fact i am not that well.
People could rely on me, feel safe and confortable when there are around me.

But still... there is a time i am WEAK.
Only my ego don't allowed me to show it.
So most of the time i looked fine.

So i will make sure i am not only looked fine but must be really fine. Because there sre people out there count on me. I must not let them down, I must not let myself down. Lack of motivation? Read some motivation books. Stress? Meditate. It helps ^_^

@too much@

too many barriers

too many differences

too much pain...

it just pain...

@MR BIG@

Why do i call him Mr Big? It reflects to someone who has really big heart to accept me the way I am, has a big name, big career, big reputation, big power, big social network, an also big big hug for me when i need him.

Of course, i haven't meet my Mr Big yet but i know the best always comes at the last. I want that my Mr Big is a capable man with lots of life experience and has lot of knowledge. But regardless of all that;

He won't laugh at me when i said something stupid, he will correct me passionately.

He won't scold me when i did something wrong. He will touch my hair and show me the right way.

He won't piss off when i fail. He will encourages me, motivates me.

He won't be shy to show me and introduce me to his friends, collegue, boss, family. He will accept me as who i am.

He don't mind if he needs to cook for me

His bed will always big enough to fit me in (and i can eat ice cream, read novel, put lotion on it before i sleep)

His wardrobe will always big enough for me to put my clothes and my personal belongings

He gives me duplicate key of his house

He told me the pin number of the alarm system in the house

He won't left when i cry, he will stay around me, make sure everything is alright

He won't argue with me because the only face that he don't want to see the most is my sad face

He is my Mr Big... But where to find my Mr Big in this Big Big World?

of course, this is some one else's My Big. Illustration purpose only ^.^

NEGOTIATION

So this is the price that i choose for the camp. It is a beautiful, quite, clean place. Suitable for honey moon, retreat, and for camp, because it's at the middle of no where. Not so good to mention the place. Some where in negeri sembilan. Privacy reserved ^_^

RM 90.00/head (accomodation+meals)

Accomodation RM 50.00/head
Meals RM 40.00/head : breakfast RM 5.00
lunch RM 15.00
noon tea RM 5.00
dinner RM 15.00

for student, and for a 2 days 1 night camp. They will feel this cos is very high and over their budget. Afterall, they come here not to have fun. It's a training camp, not a leisure camp. I feel like i have the responsibility, try to minimize their expenses to the lowest as i can. What to do?

Lunch and dinner seems unreasonable for camp participant since it might be targeted to foreign because they will cook various Malay's food. And as i mentioned, they are here to be trained. So i just cancelled everything from the meal package, only take the "breakfast set"which is RM 5.00/person (fried rice-because rice can last longer)...take it as lunch. For the breakfast itself, we, the organizing committee are going to prepare bread for them to do self service. After all the adjustment, so far we have

Accomodation: RM 50.00

Meal:

• breakfast RM5.00
• lunch RM 15.00
• noon tea RM 5.00
• dinner RM 15.00

PA system = RM 100/hour

2 small vans for 20 people each van to water fall @ 250/day = RM 500

assume dat we took 5 games for 2 days camp. (RM200/activity) 5x200= RM 1000

motivation seminar (4 session) RM 600

gOSH...
so only for the facilities, it's already RM 22oo needed. What im going to do?

PA system =RM100 --- apply from SAO free of charge
vans =RM500 --- apply for bus from GO RM10/head= RM400(under negotiation)
games =RM1000 --- own games 10 games (no budget)
seminar/talk=RM600 --- ask Arthur to talk (no budget)

Good news is INTIMA is giving subsidy from max till RM 10. especially for charity event or event that involve form 5 or form 6 students (as they are our target market). For this small type of training camp, who only being open to a particular group... after the negotiation, the treasurer agree to give RM 7 / head. Considered very high already, and the treasurer said that she will make it RM8 if we didn't get further discount from that particular resort. So 1 more revenue is 7x42= RM294. Thanks to Bala for that. So far, amount that already deducted are RM3564.

Maybe still can get more after the pending request being approved

• pending bus status (i tried to request RM 5/head)
• pending from the resort

so far they need to pay 50 for accomodation 15 for dinner+lunch+breakfast (prepared by us)+ bus RM 75; RM 70 cheaper than actual price that they need to pay; RM 145.

i didnt say that i am very good in negotiation, but i really put my effort to it. and i feel more and mroe like an aunty already >.<

stories

Today, my lecturer shared a story to us. There is a girl, enroll as business student. When my lecturer asked her what she want to be, she said that she want to be stewartress. Her class mates/ course mates started to throw judgement upon her, laugh at her, some even start to look down on her, saying "what the hell are you doing in business class? You should go to air line company to get some training. Why should you come and get a degree when you are not going to need it in you work?"

Then this girl told my lecturer "yes, i want to be stewartress, but in my job, i will meet people from business class, i need to fill my self about knowledge in business so that i can serve them better, so that i can communicate with them at their level, so i can talk to them about their share, the current economic, the recession. I need to have business knowledge and i am learning this because of my passionate to be a good stewartress " This makes her different from others as she can see a thing from different point of view. I believe she will enjoy her job much more than others do. I believe she will be a good stewartress.

Another story is a young man, a doctor who choose to work at old folk homes instead of work at hospita for 3 years. He is a friend of my lecture. He choose the tough way. When my lecturer ask him the reason he did so, he answer "yes, i know how to apply all my knowledge, i learnt lot enough the theory. But it can't guarantee me to become a good doctor.Text book idn't teach about passion, school didn't teach about love. It must be gained through experience, and that is what i try to gain by working as a servant here." And now, i was told by my lecturer that this doctor is 1 of the owner of IJN (Institute Jantung Negara) or national lung institution.

Last story is about his another old friend (he got many friends hor...), old friend whom he known for almost 13 years, CEO of air asia, Antoni Fernandez. He is not majoring in egineering...as i thought before. He major in accounting. He likes to fly, his dream is to make eevrybody canfly. For this dream, he study accounting, to measure the cost needed, all the revenue and expenditure, and end up as the CEO of 1 of the world leading company.

End of the stories. What my lecturer trying to say; In real life, most of the time, you won't become what you have study... because you have something which called "personality". Our personality drift us as what we going to be. This really works for me; now my heart and mind feel much more larger, my option is no longer "marketing manager, PR,advertising, sales person" I can enjoy class that i like, absorb as many things that i can learn here, then to be applied to the job i really has passionate with. Wish me luck ^.^

Career Management Skill Talk

So far, i haven't regret that i enrolled for Marketing. Why i choose this subject? Maybe because i love socoalize. I like to interact with human being. I am not math genius, science genius, neither on historical and biographical stuff. Thanks God I love people.

All the lecturers who teach me in my 1st class are interesting so far. I hope i will never regret choosing this. I can say that Mr Shamraj who taught us employbility & entrepreneourship kill all my doubt today. I like marketing. But there is a doubt in me before, if i enrolled for the wrong subject. I enrolled for the subject i like, but not a subject i want to be. I don't want to end up as sales girl and stuct with that for the rest of my life. I want to start a business of my own.

90 studentlass, most student i ever see in business class. He let us do an activity. He wants us to ask 3 question to ourselves. Then share it with our friends. Again, this is a very important small detail that often being overlooked by people. The just study like hell, after graduate working like horse without even think about these small details.

1) What is your ambition?
2) How will you achieve your ambition?
3) Where do you see yourselves 10 years from now?

after talk to my self, i come out with:

1) To become a very succesful investor ( master the skills of investation and being in control in current and future market). Own a foundation CAROLINE FOUNDATION to make the world a better place. Being a life coach that can change one's life to be a better being.

2) Learn 3 important soft skills:

• Leadership skill
• Management skills (time management, financial management)
• Communication skills ( persuasive communication, negosiation)

3) Being a motivator, advisor, and share holders of various leading coorporation

Even i am not so sure that this all can be realize, at least, i have a dream. I don't afraid dreaming, and i BELIEVE in my dream.

committee camp

Ok, this is the last Leo Club event which i will organized, i supposed, since i was consider retired after my term 08-09.

Basically i need to organized this camp for incoming committees, so i gather around my fellow old BOD from their hometown for this project. For me, this is a meaningful camp since it can enclose the relationship amongs BOD. We will make them complete aall the tough team building games. They will go through forming, norming, performing, maybe quarelling, but after they finally compete all the challanges, they will feel that their relationship will be closer than before. The purpose of this camp itself is to develop the trust, team work, leadership, communicationship and other soft skills which they can apply in their daily life, even after they graduated.

I feel so stress at the 1st since i am the only 1 who came back early while other aold BOD not here yet and for those who still here, they graduated and got work already. Until 2 days ago, Wei Kean, Cha Ling, and Yong Bin came tomy house. Guess what? we only need 1 and half hour to came out with the 1st draft of program flow. Job should be delegated. We must not worry to share a responsibility. I asked them"How come previous event meeting always take 2 hour and even more?""how come previous event meeting need to be conduct over and over agaon without reach to a final decisiom?" Yong Bin said "Because that time there are alot of people, alot of opinion, some more, all the decision we made need to go through our upper level of people according the hierarchy. We need to take responsibility towards them. Now we don't need to report or taking responsibility to anyone, just ourselves"

I wonder the top management can get things settled easily over a lunch or a tea break. From this, my promise to become a BOSS become stronger. I promise that i must be 1.

This also remind me to 1 of the team building games during youth empowerment camp. Dr Sia told us "when people up there busy discussing and arquing, they forgot their team members are strunggling and suffering down there. All they know is discuss and discuss then when they make any changes, they just order and people down there need to start from the beginning according to what their Boss want them to do"

When 1 day, i become a president, i will expect all the management level in my company,; all the CEO, all the managers from all branches to attend team building games, so that they will aware about all this... very important message through these games. I don't want just be a boss for them, i want to be a teacher, a life coach that can lead them, to have a better life; not only in term of career, but also a leader who manage to change them; in their standard of living, in their inner value.

ThE pLaCe i LiKe ThE MoSt

People might said they like Japan, German, UK, ect...

What bout me? guess what? There is 1 place i like the most "AIR PORT"

Maybe because i travel alot since i was 12. I started to have connection with a place calls "air port"

In here you see a dream, you see love, you see sorrow.

In here, you can see a dream of fresh graduate teens who is going to further their study.

In here, you can see a dream of young man who want challenge him self, challenge his destiny ... to make a better life

In here, you can see a dream of a man who want to challenge his life, to give his family a better home.

For me, i can see a super busy me in the future... have to deal with all kind of air ports all over the world. Out station from 1 country to another, attend a conference from i state to another, conduct a meeting with people all over the world, business trip, or do any volunteering service to othe countries... I adore this kind of life. I wish some day i will have this kind of life. I love travelling, experience others' culture, absorb their positive values. It will makes my life colorful, and meaningful. I open my self toward changes.

I LOVE AIR PORT

Everything is possible here, everything might be start from here. If you don't dare to step forward, you won't know what will happen. Air port is kind of miracle ^_^

TRY ME

I have an innocent look

It brings me both advantages and disadvantages

The good thing is it will always easier for me to get what i want, in the shorter time, in bigger amount

The bad thing is people might underestimate you from your look. How do you expect a looked "soft" girl to handle a bounch of people? Then people will doubt on you.

Some others will tougth that you are easy to be bullied and start try to bully you... then something happen to them... from me... the "innocent" girl

Sad case.... Just bring it on. Just test me and you will know what else i can do. hekhekhek

OLE WEEK

Yesterday Sandheep shared that "In Inti, everybody is the entertainment for everyone else. That's why you can not survive without your friends here. That's why INTI is so famous for the most active social life amongst all the private college, well known with the 70 over clubs and societies." It gives us opportunity to develop our interpersonal skill and ability to adapt with the changes. These soft skills will help us alot when we enter the society.

Wai Quai said "There is 3 main things in INTI life. either you have good result, awesome social life or enough sleep." When you get 1 or 2 of them, you have had to given up another one. She reminds me to the things i given up and achive. I have given up my relationship for my club's achievement, i have given up my result for my awesome social live. I have given up my sleep for my result.

During sharing session, i shared that "for this past 3 days, you have been told to learn from us... the senior, the leader of the leader, the facilitator. Maybe you really can learn something from us. But i want to thank to you all for giving us opportunity to learn from each and everyone of you. You can learn from few of us, but we can see positive value in you (around 100 participant). I can see leadereship, team work, initiative, trust from you guys. good job"

At the 1st i still can barely come over the tension before the camp. I feel so stress. How if i couldn't bring my group member into the situation, how if they are too pasive, how if they don't enjoy the camp? I know that i am going to stress and nervous every time i become facilitator. I can barely sleep at night worry about this. But the reason i take the job over and over again is because i want to try and try again, until i can finally over come the fear, until i manage to handle it my self.

Finally today, i realize something by myself."Don't be a good facilitator because you want others think that you are one. Don't be a good facilitator because you take it as an obligation, a responsibility. Don't be a good facilitator because you afraid that you will be scold by your coach. Be a good facilitator because you really care. Be a good facilitator because you have passionate in doing that. Be a good facilitator because you really feel yourselves fulfill when you can make changes in one's life"

I have given out my time, my effort and my love. I am giving OUT. But why is that i feel like i have even more and more loves come back to me?

if you

if you have too much love to give out, you have no time to complain