What Happened To My Club???

At the beginning of the term, myself fulfilled with all the spirit, all the confidence that 13th INTIMA LEO CLUB will grow to be a stronger, better and more organize club with alot of improvements, creativity and with closest friendship more than anyone else has before... because so many things have changed... the committees are changed, amount of people are changed, president is changed, as well as the rules and regulations.

And now... just about 2 months in this new term... i am terribly worried. Worry things won't smooth, worry that club won't improve, worried about the relationship among committees.... including my own relationship with all of them. How come it become much much much more complex compare to last term? I try to figure out and analyze from different sources... Try to elaborate and decide to make something like a report. I collect information from the committees point of view and i will trynot to put my judgement inside. Basicly there are several problem that I found.

• GAP

Although i have told myself that there is not such gap between old BOD and new BOD, i couldn't deny that me myself didn't feel sense of unity in my club. Some of old BOD tell me that they are so regret and disapointed that they held the emerge meeting and point out problem they saw during the exhibition week. After that night, they feek that their every sigle deed will be observed by people and they will have no excuse to do mistake... because they feel that once they o mistake, people will start cursing them. I told them not to thing too muchbut they persist that at themoment they decise to be the BAD PEOPLE who stand out and telling the truth even they know many people will get offended, they have sacrificed their relstionship and feel like it's hard to mix around with new BOD.

• PERCEPTION
  

2nd problem is their perception. Perception that said we are NEW BOD and we are OLD BOD. This is actually create a gap between them. I am a part of OLD BOD. That's why I appreciate what i used to have in 12th INTIMA LEO CLUB. Even during that term it can be said that we start everything from 0. Maybe because our past leader fail to lead us in the proper way, we know that is not an excuse that stop is from improving. We learn everything from our own and others mistakes... even though the process is bitter... but we did it happily.

We know that we learnt something and the most important is we do it happily and we work as a team. From NOTHING to atleast A THING... and maybe here is the THING! We, OLD BOD tend to compare this term with last term(whether consiously or unconsiously). It's because we can't accept that particular THING is lost... since we exchange it with our whole year's efford. We don't want to see the feeling just gone.

I admit that our expectation is kind of selfishness because i woun't be fair to expect all the new BOD to have the same level of emotion toward the club... that just entered... We should actually help them to build that sense of feeling instead of keep give them pressure by comparing. It will make them even down.

So from now... we should dare to LET GO... We should learn to accept, accept current us. This is what we are now... so what? We can start again from the beginning. Don't blaming,complaining, and regret to ourselves and others because it just can't help much. What we can do now is stand together as 1, as 13th INTIMA LEO CLUB, together we can make changes to be better.

I used to think this way... maybe because the new guys feel that we too care and will always make sure eevrything to be smooth, it indirectly make them too rely on us. Maybe last year, when we(as new BOD join committees and realize that there is actually no one to guide us, no one to worry about us, so that we will try our best to learn by ourselves... maybe this year the situation is different, they know even they didn't do every thing good, we will settle for them... so they always looks relax and out of the situation. I said maybe. I maybe wrong. But at the 1st, they really give me such a feeling like this.

Ops, another important thing to add on, this is feedback from 1 of old BOD... How do they mix around with new BOD when even their perception... at the very beginning have already different. Let me make it clear. There are 2 types of perception among people in the club.

For some people, once you join a club as committees, you are trusten to bear a responsible and for that, you must be proffesional and can't use assignment, test, presentation ect as an excuse when there is any thing regarding club's events or activities. You must contribute your time and work together no matter how long (even to the early morning). This is what said by team work and most of the time,was true friendship build during this period... we work together o achieve certain goal... we share same hope. This is what they call effective.

For another half people, they have higher expectation toward themselves. For them, study and society must be balance and there is no way for them to sacrifice their study to do event things til very late when there is the test on teh next day. For them, effective not suppose to work till very late. Effective is using shortest time to accomplish certain things... together, of course.

When their perception toward the word "contribution" is already different. How can i expect them to be the same? Who right, who wrong? How can we judge them? Their reason are acceptable. Our purpose coming here is to study... for most of us, the result we get may decide our future, it may change the rest of our life. How you expect them to neglet their study? For the 1st party, their intention to spend so much time is good... remember, they are not being paid and still, they have that kind of spirit, i salute to that kind of people.

EXPECTATION

For me myself, i couldn't accept if there is any free riders around me... no matter in doing assignment or in the club. This even make me frustate... till i receive an email from my senior, she told me not to expect too much from pthers. when you expect too much and when things not going on as what you wish, you will suffer.

Everybody may have their own expectation. The level of one's expectation may be different from other's. It's not a bad thing to have expectation whether to ourselves or to others. Expectation to ourselves is a kind of motivation to improve. When you expect others to do something, it's because you care... you expect them to change, expect them to be better. Once again... it's depend on individual. You can't determine and compare one's expectation with others'. One's highest expectation may only considered as satisfy to others.

Maybe for me, the term "contribute" is to work together with others, maybe for other people, be with them and make jokes to entertaint those who working is kind of contribute. For another person, maybe they don't even need to be there... just find atime to gather we all and said some words to motivate others is a contribution also for them. This is what i mean everybody has different expectation to themselves and we can't force others to do the way we think is right. Because of these all different style of people, we have a chance to learn how to be passion, how to accept, and how to respect.

Beside this. one's expectation to others is also one of the proble. Maybe we think someone is not good enough... it's because we expect somemthing from him. Why we don't blame others? Why just him? It's because for you, he is the one who capable to brings the club to be better... You expect soo much from him so when you didn't see improvement, you will start to blame him. But have you ever put yoursellf in his shoe and think about him? Will it be fair to him? When you expect something from him, obviously he also has right to expect something from you. You comparing him with others, he will also comparing you with others. Maybe he used to be a very succesful leader. But it is a long time a go, A thing happen not just because of certain person or certain reason. It has to be supported by many reasons;the condition?the timing? his previous committees? and also the environment. Now everything are changed and you can't be so selfish till just put all the responsibility to change or improve the club on his shoulder.

Attitude

This is also a serious problem. I observe there are many wrong attitude that we have... including me, If i am considered as a sensitive person. I guess many people can;t get the word

'play hard, work hard, study hard' The attitude is already wrong. Once you play with them, when there is the time to be serious,they can't manage to show you that they are capable to be a serious person. Such a dissapointed thing to me...

Respect

We also lack of respect... which is very very important no matter where you go.

I hope things will be better and we can united as 1... This too, will pass. Everything will be better

爱一人

如果你不爱一个人,
请放手.
好让别人有机会爱她.

如果你爱的人放弃了你,
请放开自己,
好让自己有机会爱别人.

有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种 .
但别让自己为一种伤害.

有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,

爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.

男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.
女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.

如果真诚是一种伤害,
我选择谎言;

如果谎言一种伤害,
我选择沉默;

如果沉默是一种伤害,
我选择离开.

如果失去是苦，
你怕不怕付出 ,

如果迷乱是苦，
你会不会选择结束,

如果追求是苦，
你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,

如果分离是苦，
你要向谁倾诉,

好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!

舍不得哭泣

谁说不能承受生命中的感动

我们曾拥抱最美丽的梦

你的一双手有多不同，当时我无法形容

放下才明白，爱情有多重

你一路陪著我 每当我也学个够

不够爱我的人 再美丽只是个梦

我的一双眼是为什么 想起你总那么红

你能够痛著对我好 难道我能假装不懂

全世界看不起你 难道我就能对不起你

就是爱看你这样子 样子还有什么关系

全世界看不起你 难道我就能骗我自己

爱情不只一场欢喜 以后只是一个回忆

拥抱你 我就会舍 不得哭泣

如果一个女人

如果我很愚蠢

如果我没有灵魂

你是否会更心疼

只因为我双唇

有你所需要的体温

你爱无限温存
还是佩服我无所不能

为何懂得拥抱

只为抱住不可靠的人

难道一个女人

学会怎么亲吻

才能拥有一个亲密的名份

如果一个女人

该装得很单纯

我也不会输给任何人

我也怕枕头冷

我也会守候黄昏

你是否会更心疼

只因为我双唇

艳丽得忘记了发问

如果一个女人

只剩下一张唇

让我小声告诉你

我不是那种人

用我唯一的温柔

告别你的吻

Pledge

I PLEDGE OF MY HAND,

EXTENDED & OPEN,

TO HELP THOSE IN NEED

I PLEDGE OF MY HEART,

REACH FOR IT,

AND IT WILL BE TOUCH

I PLEDGE OF MY EARS,

TO HEAR ANOTHER'S OUT CRY,

MY EYES,

TO SEE THE PLIGHT OF OTHERS,

MY KNOWLWDGE,

TO BRING A MAN CLOSER TO HIS DREAM

I PLEDGE OF MYSELF

FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MY COMMUNITY

AND MY COUNTRY

love not suppose to revenge

Love not suppose to revenge...

Once you revenge, you will only lost it...

Some girls are so silly...

They thought by take revenge, they will retrieve their lovers;

When their boy friend crush with other girl... they then also go to find another guy. But the difference is theirboy friends crush with someone they love, and those girls end up with guys whom they not really love. How funny... they slept with guys they not really love just to retrieve a relationship...

And their boy friend? they don't actually come back to them... It's make them feel that actually they are not that worse even more... it even make give them reason to cover up their mistake and guilty... They might be dump them even more.

A house wife fed-up of her husband who loves to came back home very late and always have fun outside... So when he come back late, she also find her own entaertainment outside. But... does she feel happy in that way? No, you will just feel even worst than before.

Women have potential to love and to revenge and like to do these things more than men. But because of this reason, women uasually get hurt more often.

When you observe it, you will realize that "revenge" this stuff will never works on men. They might be tame by your tears and smile. But they hate women's revenge... They are even more expert from us in revenge... They have already play with all those war games, gun, and all those tanks model since they were children. We won't able to win them in that way... We must know how to use another way round ^_^

朋友

忙的时候, 想要休息

渡假的時候, 想到未來。

窮的時候, 渴望富有

生活安逸了, 怕幸福不能長久。

該決定的时候, 擔心結果不如預期

看明白了, 後悔當初沒有下定決心。

不屬於自己的, 常常心存慾望

握在手裡了, 又懷念未擁有前的輕鬆。

生命若不是現在, 那是何時？

一個人可以毫無道理跟你做一輩子親戚,

但一個人不會毫無道理跟你做一輩子朋友。

我會想起...

與你們認識的種種...

也會想起...

發生過的點點滴滴...

直到我們都年老時...

是否會像現在這樣...

坐在電腦前互訴心聲？

不管如何...

希望我們永遠是真誠相對的朋友(知己)...

朋友就是喜歡你也了解你的人

願你都能珍惜身邊每一個朋友

因為你我有緣份, 才能成為朋友.

可以成為知己的, 更難得！

時間未必O你我成為知己的原因

但一定可以証明到對朋友的關懷不是白費！希望您永遠都係我的好朋友！

朋友, 是你高興時想跟他分享的.

朋 友 ， 是 你 不 高 興 時 可 以 給 你 發 脾 氣 的

朋 友 ， 也 是 在 你 沒 錢 開 飯 時 打 救 你 的

朋 友 ， 你 悶 得 發 荒 時 可 以 跟 你 一 同 發 荒 的

朋 友 ， 會 甘 願 給 功 課 你 抄 ， 跟 你 一 同 出 貓 一 同 被 人 罰 的

朋 友 ， 也 是 你 買 手 信 時 ， 想 買 一 份 大 的 給 他 的

朋 友 ， 也 是 你 看 見 他 上 線 時 ， 想 給 他 ' 喔 噢 ' ！

想要體會 「 一 年 」 有多少價值，你可以去問一個失敗重修的學生。

想要體會 「 一 月 」 有多少價值，你可以去問一個不幸早產的母親。

想要體會 「 一 週 」 有多少價值，你可以去問一個定期週刊的編輯 。

想要體會 「 一 小 時 」有多少價值，你可以去問一對等待相聚的戀人。

想要體會 「 一 分 鐘 」有多少價值，你可以去問一個錯過火車的旅人。

想要體會 「 一 秒 鐘 」有多少價值，你可以去問一個死裡逃生的幸運兒。

想要體會 「 一 毫 秒 」有多少價值，你可以去問一個錯失金牌的運動員。

朋友就是 ~ ~ 即使是一點小感動，一點小事情都想一起分享

朋友就是 ~ ~ 當你抱頭痛哭的時候，扶著你肩膀的那個人

朋友就是 ~ ~ 當你面對人生挫折時，一直緊握你那雙手你好嗎？

你能夠看到它是你與他的緣份

你能夠和你身邊的人做朋友也是你與他的緣份

縱使你不知道這夥流星會何時消失

但如若你好好珍惜看到這流星的每一刻

那就算流星走了你也不會後悔

請好好珍惜身邊的每一個人

珍惜這段友誼 ！

建立友誼如像種樹 ，

因為友誼是一株樹 ( T R E E )

T : T r u s t ( 信 任 )

R : R e s p e c t ( 尊 重 )

E : E x c h a n g e ( 交 流 )

E : E m o t i o n a l S u p p o r t ( 精 神 支 持 )

好朋友守則 ---- 朋友就是無形中陪你走 过風雨 ，

永遠支持你的力量

朋友就是一種無法言喻的美好感覺

朋友就是在別人面前永遠護著你的那個人

朋友就是即使是一點小感動，一點小事情都想一起分享

朋友就是當你抱頭痛哭的時候，扶著你肩膀的那個人

朋友就是當你面對人生挫折時，

一直緊握你的那雙手

喜歡下雨，因為你不會知道我流淚
喜歡發呆，因為你不會知道我想你
喜歡孤單，因為你不會發現我愛你
喜歡在你身邊，因為你是我快樂的唯一因素


幸福方程式： 一顆敢夢的心＋兩倍的努力＋三倍的行動 就能成就百分之的幸福和成功

Once you decide, Don't Regret

A girl friend told me; she dumped her current boy friend who has been together for almost 2 years, the problem is not on him. He loves her very much. The thing is she crush with another guy. Do i angry with her? not really... i even feel that she is a valiant girl. And what shocked me is dare to make the decision to break up with her boy friend whom dote her very much without knowing whether the guy she crush with, has the same feeling to her. There is not much girl dare to make that kind of decision and take the risk... follow their heart. I can said, "even i am not fully support her decision, i sallute her."

I used to see many girls, they will still get along with someone who she don't even have feeling with them at all... They did so just to have fun, just to have ATM, have a driver, and most of the time, just because they are lonely. They will even date more than 1 guys(of course they do it behind the stage.)

The guy she crush now is a playboy and hot temper. She felt tired in this kind of unclear relationship. She asked me whether she is stupid...
To let go a man who love you very much for a man who you love very much... is it a mistake?

Yes, you dump a guy who love you very much... but you don;t love him. So, why should you regret? If you do not love him no matter how good is he requirement, how nice he is to you, there will still no point. Why should you feel regret to a thing you are not expect? Since you dump him on your free will, you have no right to REGRET. He used to be so kind to you, he's actually yours... But since you dump him, so never ever feel regret.

There are many things that can be retrieved such as your weight, your emotion, and your perception. But there are also many things which we unable to retrieve such as youth, your dream, and your feeling toward a person.

You used to love him, but that feeling is gone, no matter how hard you try, there is no point to find it back. To let go a guy who love you very much won't be suffer. To let go a guy who you love very much is a suffer. To love a guy who does not love you will be the same suffer.

Maybe because we are too young... When we get older, we won't make such a stupid decision as this "to dump a guy who love you very much for a guy who you love very much" ^^

mother

when you were 1 yr old,she fed you and bathed you.

You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 yrs old, she taught you to walk.

You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 yrs old, she made all your meals with love.You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 yrs old, she gave you some crayons.You thanked her by colorings the dining room table.

When you were 5 yrs old, she dressed you for the holidays.You thanked her by plopping into the nearest.

When you were 6 yrs old, she walked you to school.You thanked her by screaming, "I'm not going!"

When you were 7 yrs old, she bought you a baseball.You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 yrs old, she handed you an ice-cream.You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 yrs old, she paid for piano lessons.You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 yrs old, she drove you all day,from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 yrs old, she took you and your friends to the movies.You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 yrs old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13 yrs old, she suggested a haircut.You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14 yrs old, she paid for a month stay at summer camp.You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15 yrs old, she came home from work looking for a hug.You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16 yrs old, she taught you how to drive her car.You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17 yrs old, she was expecting an important call.You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18 yrs old, she cried at your high school graduation.You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19 yrs old, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campuscarried your bags.You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20 yrs old, she asked whether you were seeing someone.You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."

When you were 21 yrs old, she suggested certain careers for your future.You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you!"

When you were 22 yrs old, she hugged you at your college graduation.You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23 yrs old, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24 yrs old, she met your fiancé and asked about your plans for the future.You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther, please!"

When you were 25 yrs old, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30 yrs old, she called with some advice on the baby.You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative's birthday.You thanked her by asking you were "really busy right now."

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died.And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart.

Never forget to love her more than ever if your mother is still around.And if she's not, remember her unconditional love and pass it on.Always remember to love your mother, because you only have one mother in your lifetime!

看父母， 就是看自己的未来

如果你在一個平凡的家庭長大，

如果你的父母還健在，

不管你有沒有和他們同住;

如果有一天，你發現媽媽的廚房不再像以前那麼乾淨

如果有一天，你發現家中的碗筷好像沒洗乾淨

如果有一天，你發現母親的鍋子不再雪亮

如果有一天，你發現父親的花草樹木已漸荒廢

如果有一天，你發現家中的地板衣櫃經常沾滿灰塵

如果有一天，你發現 母親煮的菜太鹹太難吃

如果有一天，你發現父母經常忘記關瓦斯

如果有一天，你發現老父老母的一些習慣不再是習慣時，就像他們不再想要天天洗澡時

如果有一天，你發現父母不再愛吃青脆的蔬果

如果有一天，你發現父母愛吃煮得爛爛的菜

如果有一天，你發現父母喜歡吃稀飯

如果有一天，你發現他們過馬路行動反應都慢了

如果有一天，你發現在吃飯時間他們老是咳個不停 千萬別誤以為他們感冒或著涼，

( 那是吞嚥神經老化的現象)

如果有一天，你發覺他們不再愛出門 …


如果有這麼一天我要告訴你，你要警覺父母真的已經老了器官已經退化到需要別人照料了

如果你不能照料，
請你替他們找人照料並請你請你千萬千萬要常常探望，不要讓他們覺得被遺棄了。

每個人都會老父母比我們先老我們要用角色互換的心情去照料他 才會有耐心、才不會有怨言. 當父母不能料理自己的時候，為人子女要警覺，他們可能會大小便失禁、可能會很多事都做不好.

如果房間有異味，可能他們自己也聞不到，請不要嫌他髒或嫌他臭，為人子女的只能幫他清理， 並請維持他們的『自尊心』。 當他們不再愛洗澡時，請抽空定期幫他們洗身體，因為縱使他們自己洗也可能洗不乾淨。 當我們在享受食物的時候，請替他們準備一份大小適當、容易咀嚼的一小碗， 因為他們不愛吃可能是牙齒咬不動了。

從我們出生開始，餵奶換尿布、生病的不眠不休照料、 教我們生活基本能力、供給讀書、吃喝玩樂和補習， 關心和行動永遠都不停歇。

如果有一天，他們真的動不了了，角色互換不也是應該的嗎？為人子女者要切記，看父母就是看自己的未來，孝順要及時。

如果有一天，你像他們一樣老時，你希望怎麼過？現在的你， 是在當單身寄生蟲、還是已婚雙料或多料寄生蟲？你留意過自己的父母嗎？ 樹欲靜而風不止、子欲養而親不在 你的父母還有多少時間等你?

LEO Mission

What happen to me? I guess i have already addict in blogging. Because i am not the kind of person who can be so open intil dare to speak out my weaknesses. I will bother what will people think about me when they know too muchabout me. Dear diary, you are my best friend. I can be honest to you... without any pressure... thanks, love you.

Tjis week is exhibition week. WHAT? I BECOME FREE GIVE? I guess you are the only one who are too boring until think out so so so many weird things.

Yesterday very shock, Doreen passed up the Organizing Chairperson's pose to me... she got another event to rush. I totally not in oc's mood, didn't feel it's existance before... Suddenly in charge in this event. abit guilty... The preparation is not done by me.. How come i just take away the pose like that?

I don't like last minute things in organizing an event. Hopefully, this event will success. Hopefully, i can provide the opportunity and condition that can delever something else out of text book knowledge to those children. Something like moral value. Wish i can make it.

sorry, it's not you

2.56am, receive his msg... apologized of previous msg that he sent 2 days ago, exactly 6.05am. After read his msg, my body is just shaking and can't control myself to cry again. Are men are made to make women cry? He explained that last time he sent the msg because he was drunk. that's why he apologized and ask me don't mind.

We've already break up for almost 6 months... and when he drunk, i'm the one he thinks about... Here's de msg if i translate in English

"I stupidly think for a long time, but still can't understand the reason you want to break up. When you left me, you choose to be silent... I don't know whether you are too cruel or i am so innoncent. If love can be forgotten on spot, I no longer have to suffer like this. The cold air chill me up and froze my heart. You can see the words on the screen, but you can't see my tears on the keypads. The tears is so bitter... I will remember all your good forever, and will also cry for you for the last time. Maybe one day i will be smile while memorize you. All the memory is memory. Just hope that i can kept you inside my heart. After this, i won't cry any longer... This is to prove i really used to love you. "

pathetic!!! i am cruel to him. I can just get angry with him without a rational explaination. And the reasons id almost radiculous. But still... he keeps understand me, dote me, he keeps love me, take care of me... and he put alot of effort on me. But after i dump him... when he drunk, i am still the one he will thinking of.. I am still the one he cried for. And what i am doing now? I am cried for another guy who don't know how to appreciate me and even tend to hurt me whenever he got chance... What's happening?

Now,03.35am ... so lonely... so cold... it's my turn to cry alone in front of the screen... typing every single word... hoping that it would help me to at least reduce so many pain that stuck in my heart. Suddenly feel that i need i hug... I need to talk with some one... i need someone to share with me and listen to me. I feel so sorrow. I feel just want to follow my desire to call him. I know he will asnwer my call, i know he will listen all my problem... i know he will try to console me. I know him. I know he still love me.

But in other hand i know myself... i know my principle. I know once i make decision, there is no way to turn. I can't just dump a guy and when i need him then ask him to pay pity to me. I should bear the consequences alone, i must take responsible on what i've done.

Almost calling but at the end canceled all the calls. Have already types the messages for a lot of times but at the end, i've also deleted all of them before send it to him. Really wish to ask how he is currently, ask him to take care of himself, ask him not to drink too often, ask him to find a girl better than me... But i afraid in this way, will only make him even harder to "let go." I afraid he will thinks he still has a hope and we are contacting each other again... So i rather choose to be the cruel girl who didn't reply all his msg... pretend that i am stone-hearted, pretend that i am a cool-blo0ded, pretend that i have not being touched. Sincerely hope you can take care of youeself, happily! thanks for loving me... But sorry, it's not you T_T

1st Impression

I admit that I have no right to judge people. But since this is my diary, I would like to share something with my self. Share my opinions, share my values and share my perceptions. I can share whatever I want without pro and contra. In this way, I can naturally express everything I feel so that one day, when I grew older, when I’m lonely, I can flash back what have I done and the way I’m thinking when I was young… Maybe that time I will laugh at myself for what I used to think and do. How innocence I am in that age.

Today I would like to share about my 1st impression. I will evaluate people that I just get known, but usually not everyone that I mix with. I will only evaluate certain people who give me special feeling… because I care. I never tell people (or maybe I never realize about this because it just happen naturally)

For me, 1st impression is very important because it will affect so much on how people treat you or see you. In my opinion, a sincere eye contact is the key point, than your gesture, your attitude, your manners, your tone, and your hand grip. Every time I shake hand with some one I just know, I will observe their hand grip. Their hand grip will effect my perception toward that certain people. For me, people who can do BIG THING will have a firm hand grip. I like the type of hand which is warm, a bit tough on the surface, and large enough to cover my hand. I love that feeling because it symbolize that I can trust them. They give me safety feeling and show some body language that “we will become a good friend.”

I also expect people to look into my eyes when they talk to me as well as when they listen to me. Never look down to this simple interaction because it shows respect, it’s a part of manners. As I expect this thing from others, I must do the same thing 1st. Because I respect them, so I will look into their eyes whenever having conversation with them. But somehow there is much misinterpretation and misunderstanding because of my “eye contact”, make me wonder whether there is something wrong with my principle. I admit sometimes I will think out some weird things ^^ But who cares… be happy…

What Kind of Man He Will Turn To

Last semester I became tutor for LEO MISSION. We went to orphanage to become for those unprivileged children. Actually they taught me a lot of things. They taught me how to teach, they trained my passion, they showed me if there is other side of life which is different from mine, they let me know how lucky I am & how I should appreciate what I have in current.

Now, the mission is completed but sometimes I will still think about those children. I don’t know when I have this thinking but I’m sure that I already have this idea deep inside my heart since few years ago. Somehow, girls in my club always say that the way I’m thinking is like a 30 years old women (doesn’t it too old)

Since I was in primary school, I already like to plan a lot of things that normal girls in my age don’t even think about. I’ll think for future and some people say that I always think too much. My dad the eldest son among is 10 siblings. This makes him become a strict and responsible person. When I was a child, in my memory, I have a very big family because not only my dad’s sisters who haven’t married are staying with us, even his cousins also stay with us. And he has his own family to afford. That becomes 1 of the reason why they respect my dad so much.

Previously I never bother about all these things. I just enjoy it and feel happy to stay among people who love me until I left my house to further my study. That time I was 12 years old. As I grow up and will only going back 3 or 4 times a year, I start to think outside the box. I no longer assume things based on what I see.

I will try to analyze and put my self at others’ shoe (no offense, some times I do make mistakes, I do stubborn and become a subjective person) Now, there arte no any relatives staying with us anymore. They all have their own life, family, and story but my family’s story still continue. The lesser I’m going back to home, I can see clearer what is happening in my house, thing that I won’t able to observe when I live with these people everyday.

As the eldest daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, it will be a stressful thing for my mom. Her every single deed will be observe b people especially my grand-ma. I feels like she can not do anything wrong, because she will be the example for others. My grand ma used to stay together with us (since I was born until past few years). I found that those are staying with their parents after married, even you are the one who afford for their food, shelter, medicine, clothes, and all their expenses, you always not enough for them… it’s not because you really not good enough, it’s because he/she sees your face everyday.

Be reminded that old people are easy to “pet chet” Especially when their rheumatics burst out. Their moods will become terrible. Everything you might be wrong or not perfect enough in their eye. And seems like they always success to revenge by keep praise other children or other daughter-in-law and say that they are better than the one who staying with them. (Even everyone know they didn’t do as good as the one who living with them done)

This is one of the common phenomena which face by most of the family.
Its unfair right? Buy what to do? What we can do is understand them. Sometimes, old-folk’s brains are working exactly the same way with children. Why we should bother with that and put it in mind?
Based of what I see in my real life, again, I will imagine, what kind of family I will marry into, Is it the only child? Or the eldest son likes my dad who is reliable and responsible but stubborn and fierce? Or is he comes from big family or a man who is fully controlled by his mother?

Well, I guess I wish to marry the eldest son whether with no other siblings or only have sisters. This will make my parents in law have no one to compare with me. If for you I am the worst, I will also be your best daughter-in-law… no matter you accept it or not because I am the only one who will serve and take care of you when you get older and when your son is working outside. Don’t bother about your daughter. When they marry and have their own family, they have their own responsibility to fulfill as a wife, as a daughter-in-law, and as a mother. Their time is limited to accompany you… different with me. I am the one who will take care of you every single day. So no matters how… don’t be stubborn and stop act childish, because if you are naughty... you don't want to know what i can do. If you want to mess with me, try it, bring it on. Just want to remind you thatnit won’t brings you any benefit. So try to love me. (I’m innocence).

Actually I have special sense of feeling. I never tell people because for some parties, it might be inauspicious words especially for Chinese. But I really used to think about it for a long time, in my secondary school. I have a thought about unprivileged children (orphans). People might say they are pity, unfortunately, no manner, wild, dirty, aggressive or what. But in my eye, there are only 2 results for them. 1 is “he is not give up himself, fight over his destiny and will become a successful person”, another is “he is fall into decay and let his destiny determine his entire life. This kind of person will usually end up with nothing”

Today, I won’t discuss much about the 2nd type of orphan, because it really uneasy to be a Mr Good when they grow up since the environment is so HARD. But for orphans who can find their self value and appreciate themselves, they will be a great man when they go out to society. The whole idea is since they are a child, they already live in a tough environment and that is more than enough to train them to be strong person. If you are strong enough means you are safe. If you are weak, then it’s not other people’s duty to protect you from being bullied. If you try to talk to your guardian, you will get more shits.

The guardian is also a human. They will feel tired, they will feel bored. They won’t bother you if you keep bothering her/him only to complain small things. Some times, there is time when they only open half eye in handling those orphans problem. So since they was a child, they already know that life is UNFAIR... much more earlier than other children did in their age who still being fully protected and unexposed to real world outside by their beloved parents (I could be considered as these kind of people before i left home, my parents love me ^.^)

That’s why as they grew up, the way they have their own way to do a thing, they have ambition, they will plan further for themselves (they have no choice, nobody will going to think for them but themselves), they are not easy to believe in others (because in orphan home, nobody is their own siblings and they are used to live that way). They are independent and have strong personality.

I don’t know how other girls think, but I will be attracted by this kind of man. I didn’t tell people because it’s like curse my another half to be an orphan and its cruel, right? Some how I believe that I will feel safe beside this kind of man.

Maybe his ambition is too large until he won’t let him self to loose. It must be always profit for him. He will do a thing seriously because he knows if he fail, nobody is going to covered everything for him or back him up. In this way, it has trained his capability in doing everything. He is hard to believe others because he has nobody. He will feel that nobody is worth to get his trust. He will do everything alone, get the benefit alone and bear the lost all alone. This makes him become a persistent and reliable man.

Being woman of this kind of man, you will get all the love. Nobody like father, mother, brothers, sisters, cousins, or other relatives are going to devide his love from you, you are all he has in this world and he will give all the best that he has to you. He won’t simply trust people but to his woman, he won’t hide anything. He might not show his childish or weakness side to others and you as his woman is the one who will see and know his everything than anyone else.

Being protected? It’s absolutely. You are his only love and also his only family. He can’t manage to lose you. He will want to sacrifice everything for you… and what should you do as his woman? All you need to do is just love him and don’t you ever try to cheat or deceive him. Because he will make sure you finish.

For others, he is a dangerous and scary monster but to you, he just cute likes a child that expects more and more love from you and he loves you will his soul. I hope I can be woman of this kind of man but is it NORMAL to tell people that “I would like to marry an orphan???” I would definitely get scolded or slapped. Even this is democracy era and everyone is free to speak out their opinion, but not everything you think can be speak out… because it still taboo…

Now back to the orphans whom I used to teach, their faces are so cute, so pure and innocent. I wonder what kind of man they will be when they grew as adults. Will they be irresponsible men who like to make women cry for them? Will they cheat them? Will they turn to men who like to gamble or alcoholic and will hit their wives when they loose or drunk? Will they become men who will hit their wives when those poor women have no money to give them?

Or they will be men who will take care of their family, men who will give up everything to protect their women, men who patient listen to their spouses' childhood story, men who will love their another part till their entire lives?

I wonder…. Wonder… and wonder…
You say I like to think too much, I say I’m telling you what i think.

From now on, whenever you see a boy, will you wonder what kind of man he will turn to?

What Do You Like From Me

When we just start a relationship, we like to ask our boy friends, “What do you like from me?” He will kiss you and says “you are clever”, “you are pretty”, “you have your own opinion, and I like it”, “you are a caring person”, “you are so cute”, “you are innocence”, “you are playful, make me always happy whenever I close to you”, “I love to hear you singing” and many-many sweet words that make you smile whenever you think about it.

Time passes by; you tell him “I treat you as my own family, please don’t mind to tell me my weaknesses” In few seconds, he has already list down the entire thing. Guess; “you always think that you are clever”, “you like to pretend like you pretty”, “you are too stubborn on your perception”, “you tend to care too much, ke po”, “you are stupid, “you are childish”, “you like to make sound pollution by singing all the day”

Now I understand why numbers of divorce cases are increasing from year to year.

Time Will Make You Forget

I found that excluding love, time can make us forget many thing else. It can make us forget our friend, our principle, even our dream.

You used to be greatest friends with this group of friends in secondary school. You promise to keep in touch no matter which way will you take in the future. You already promise to sms in y

our free time or msn whenever they online… and you really do that at 1st few months, then lesser and lesser until one day you suddenly realize that some how, it’s already 2 years since you called them last time.
Are you changing? Or them? No, both of you are not change. The only things that change is your environment, people you are mix with currently, activities that you join currently. You face different people and different things everyday. Your perceptions toward something have changed. Slowly but steadily, you will find it’s harder to get into conversation… it’s even harder to reach common understanding. And, who cares to find out the problem and solve it? Your works are waiting for you to be solved. You don’t have enough time to rest. By this way, in your 200++ contacts in your msn, only 50 of them are your active contacts. Sometimes, you don’t even have any ideas who are the rest 150 contact. Time… pathetic.

I said time will make you forget about your principle. When you were a 12 years old girl, you r principle is not to lie even one word. You are taught to be a honest girl since you are a child. Time pass by, you have no idea how people will survive if they are too honest. You get used to tell lie… to protect yourself, and you think that is nothing wrong with that, as long as you are not harm others.

When you are young, you can’t manage to put down your pride and ego. You think ”no matter how terrible I am, I have my dignity, it’s won’t become a reason I let myself being look down by other people.” So when your superior scolded you, you can get angry and resign. That’s your principle. But as you grow older, you start to learn to be obedient. It can work that way. You can’t keep apply and resign for job. It won’t brings any benefit to you. Time makes you forgot your pride and be flexible… in order to earn money to survive.

You are a very direct person. You are too honest until you will straight away shoot a person whenever you see the person do some thing wrong, no matter who is he. After you enter the society, face many troubles because if your “principle”, you realize being a direct person is not always a good thing. You learn how to say “2 kind of words” or being “flexible”

Not only this, time also makes you forget your dream. A young girl used to wish to be a professional ballet dancer. But as she is marry and has 2 children, time makes her find excuses to stop dancing. Now, in her age of 50, she is not able to dance anymore. He used to dream to be a successful business man. Few years later, when economy turns down and money are so hard to earn, he forgot his dream and only busy to work and thinking whether money that he earns every day, able to cover all the expenditure.

Times make us forget about our friends, principles, and dreams. What we can’t manage to forget is, we’ll remember that we used to have that particular friends, principles, and dreams.

Women’s Language

Many friends (especially male- friends) say that I have a very big problem. They said that I like to say something which needs further elaboration to really understand what actually I’m trying to say. They said I like to “pusing” instead of straight to the point. It often left them with head-ache because they need to guess and it gives them pressure.

My dear friends, don’t you know that men’s languages are different from girls? Do you know that girls hard to say something too direct? Do you know that their brains’ structures are set to say that way?

Your boy friend told you, “I will call you tonight, after I get back from office” (his company just lunch a new branch and you know he is very busy since morning.)
You tell him gently, “no need, I know you are very tired already, have a good rest and remember to take dinner” You feel like by saying this word, you are an understanding girl friend. That night, you wait for his call like a desperate woman at your house until very late. The next day, you call him ask why he didn’t call you and with innocent face, he told you “you asked me not to call, don’t you?” Haiz…

Today is your birthday, a couple weeks before that day, your boy friend had already asked you what gift you wish to get. You told him with sweetest smile “what present? We are still student, still not able to earn money by ourselves. Don’t waste. Save the money for your own usage. As long as you be with me, accompany me to have dinner, it just enough.” You think he must be appreciated because he can find such a good girl hat can think for his own good. Happily, you wait your birthday coming, what surprise will he gives to his “good” girl friend? And he really that “obey” to your words until he really give nothing to you as present on your birthday. (You wonder will he be that obedient when you prohibited him from looking for sexy girl when he goes outside)

He calls you, asks you where you are and what are you doing and you tell him that you are shopping with your girls- friend… and you all are almost finished. His house is quite far from that shopping complex and he asks whether you want him to fetch you. You just feel it is a general manner to tell him “it’s ok, we can go back by taxi” Then he said, ”ok, be careful”

Let’s see another example. This is your 1st time dating with a guy and you are going to cinema. Politely, he asks you what kind of music you want to see. To show your respect and give him a good impression that you are not a troublesome girl, you try to tell him indirectly that you don’t like to watch horror movie. You tell him like this “It’s ok, you make the decision. But horror movie seems like quite scary.” Then he tells you, “If you have no idea, then we watch horror movie. I like to watch horror movie.” In the cinema, when you see the awful phenomena in that movie, you become angry and up et, wondering why the stupid guy can’t get what you mean.

After movie session, it’s time for dinner. He said; there are Japanese, western, Chinese and fast food restaurants around here. Which one you prefer? Again. To prove that you are not choosy in food but try to avoid one of the restaurants which you don’t prefer, you politely tell him “Never mind, I eat all of those foods, but fast food restaurant is not good for health, make people easier to get fat ” (you don’t say you don’t want, hoping he will get you.) After walk around, he tells you, ”We eat KFC, faster ad cheaper .” At the end, you eat the fried chicken and scolded in your heart. You have been tried to avoid it for few months and success to loose your weight and now this man mess it up. When he takes you back, you say nothing but you know that you WON’T, NEVER AND EVER hangs out with this man anymore. End of the story.

When will you become clever enough to interpret what I am trying to say? I know you are tired after working that long and I don’t hope that you are too tired until fall sick. But I more hope you can tell me “Never mind, I will call you. No matter how tired I am, after listen to your sound, all the tiredness will gone. ”

Yes, I told you not to give me a thing and I meant it that time. Because of I really meant it, that’s why I feel that I deserved to get appreciation. I know this is a bit complicated… NO, it’s very complicated. But this is how women’s brain work.

You are not wrong, I do say that you no need to fetch me… but which girl won’t feel happy if her boy-friend contribute something in front of her girl- friends, won’t she feel proud of him if HE PERSIST TO COME EVEN AFTYER “YOU SAID NO NEED”??? and the point is her girl- friends listen to your conversation. You can tell your friends with helpless voice “He always like that, that stupid guy, I already told him no need to come; it takes him at least 1 hour to get here. But he persists. Don’t know what inside his mind.” Then your friends will envy you, praise that you are so lucky, can manage to get that kind of good guy.

I know you are tired of working. But if you really love me, no matter how tired you are, you will still call me. Even I worry that you will feel tired, I will be touched if you still call me

I know we are still student and your budget is limited. But if with this limited cash you still can manage to buy me something, I will feel that I am “someone” in your heart. It’s not the thing what kind of gift it is. But it meant very much to me since it give me a confirmation that I have a position in your heart.

I know it will be troublesome for you to purposely drive a quite long distance only to fetch me and my friends to send them home. But I can’t deny that deep inside my heart; I still hope that you can make it.

Whenever your girl friend tells you, “it’s ok. You don’t need to do that”, even they really meant it, pleases bear in mind, there is always a words behind that words. That is “If you love me, you will do that even I forbid you to do so” or “if you love me, you will know what I deserve even before I speak out””if you love me, you will know that I don’t like horror movie” (this one, of course a girl won’t speak out, because of their pride… but they will take note in their heart). For men, this might be something that makes them head ache or even thing it’s “lebih”, but for women, that is romantic.



Girls tend to test her spouse’s love by set so many traps and it’s up to the guys to decide whether he will get praise or get scolded by his girl friend. Its all depend of their cautious in analyze and interpreting women’s language. It’s not easy and need a quite long time to learn all these but once you learn and know how to use this skill, you will find it as a useful thing that can help you to avoid many unnecessary conflicts with your girl friend or wife.

The concept is same with; if a guy tells a girl “I love you as who you are” or “I love you… not your body” (who knows whether you just simply said or it really come from your heart) it will be easier to actually make the girl sleep with him AND at her free will compare to if he directly tell a girl “if you love me, you will want to sleep with me” So actually, not only girl will “pusing”, a lot of greedy man all over the world are also do the same thing.

Before we sleep, we will chit-chat about things that happen this whole day. We will do some sharing until we really sleepy and fall a sleep. One day, at the middle of out conversation when both of us already lay on the bed, I suddenly ask you “are you thirsty?” You said “no”. We continue our conversation. After 15vminutes I ask you,”Do you want to have some drink?” You told me, “No, It’s ok”

Then we continue talking for another 10 minutes until I suddenly ask you, “Do you love me?” stupid you still blur-blur and answered “sure, why?”
“If you love me, then get me some drink.” That night, he laugh until fall down from the bed, he told me that he has no idea why I am not just straight away ask him to get me water. The thing is I expect that he will say “no, I am not thirsty yet, how bout you? Are you thirsty? I will get you some water.”

You asked me, “Why women are so hard to be understood?” I replied, “Why men are so hard to understand us?”

Then, Believe It

My best friend has break up with his boy friend. Her boy friend is 10 years older than her and he is a father of 2 children. When I get known of this fact, I was shock and cry for several times for her. How can I see this kind of man in real life? I though it’s only happen in the drama.

She told me many people who know this, said that she is so stupid. They said that he only uses her. After slept with her and feel bored, he dumps her. But she does not think so. She still believes that he used to love her. She knows it from the way he looks at her. She knows that he left her for her own good. He said she is too young for him. He said she deserve to get a better guy. She told me she knows that he still cares about her. He left as a let her go so that she can find a man who really can give her a home, a man who can marry her.

Well. If by thinking that way can make you better, then… believe it. That is your love story and only you have right to decide how the story will be. Because it will be kept in your memory and will be accompanied you when you get older. Whether he used to love you or not you may be not important for others, they are only give comments and forget about it but it is VERY IMPORTANT for you.

Believe that you used to be really love is better that you used to be cheated right? Which one makes you feel better, then believes it. You have the right to believe that you used to being love by someone… the thing is only your love is too short.
When you get older, may be you will deduce whether he really loves you. But who cares? That time you are not love him anymore ^.^

What Do You Expect From Him?

Recently, I’ve read an article. A 15 years old girl send an email to the writer, told her that she has a boy friend who in same age with her. Both of theirs parents disagree with theirs relationship. They think that they are too young. The girl’s father tells the boy “if you really love her, you will be able to wait for her until she is 21.” Although it is not a short period, anything can be happen during these 6 years, the boy promised to wait. The girl forbids him from promise. She doesn’t believe in promises, because she afraid after make the promise, he will regret. But the boy persists… and the girl was touched.

The story is not end yet. The girl told the writer that 2 months after he made the promise, he falls in love with another girl. He even refused when the girl asked to meet him. The girl couldn’t understand why a boy can change that fast. She doesn’t believe in promise, he makes her believed. Now after she believes, he breaks it.

I would like to tell the girl, “What are you expecting from him? She was just 15. Even men in 50 will still make the same mistake… and hilariously, women in 50 will still believe in these kinds of promise and please be reminded, I am not try to persuade you to be a pessimistic person, I still believe in love, believe in promise, I do believe in miracle and I believe in every wonderful thing.

The thing is we love somebody with no reason. I love you because I love you. When don’t love somebody anymore. It supposes to have no reason too. So don’t ask me why you not love me anymore.

That’s why every time I start a relationship, I will tell my boy friend “if one day you find a girl who better than me and you crush with her, just go ahead. But do remember to tell me.” I can accept to be betrayed but not cheated. If there is something wrong with the feeling, just be honest and break up so that we can find better person for ourselves. Don’t wasting my time and my youth when you don’t love me anymore.

I though after saying these things, my boy friend will be less stressed out. I thought they will feel that I am a most understanding girl friend in the world. But some how it made them feel unsafe. The told me “how come you make me feel that you will run away if you meet a guy who better than me?”

Yes, I will absolutely leave you if I meet guy who better than you. That’s why I am not prohibited you to do the same thing. Wish for your understanding. I’m still young. I am only 20. What are you expecting from me? If I am in age 25-28 when already in marry period but still do the same thing, no offense, I will accept when you said that I am a bad girl or what. But I am only 20 now. How many 20 do I have to bet with my destiny? My youth is my capital and I will bet to get better man. So sincerely, I am only 20 what are you expecting from me???

RISK

I’m not type of girl who likes to take risk. You can know it through my previous blog “man who loves me and man who I love” I would rather choose to marry a man who I don’t love that much but he loves me so much than marry a man who I love so much but doesn’t love me as much as I love him, all because I don’t want to take the risk. Risk not to be loved.

Maybe, the only and the biggest risk that I take or at least, I know that I’m going to take is “wish” to marry a CEO cum politician.
Because of this thing, I’ve to face many pro and contra. Is that wrong with that?
Many people share their dreams and hopes with people around them, or is there anything wrong with my “wish”? Come on, don’t tell me I’m the only girl who thinks like this…

Why people tend to think negatively about this? Do they know what my reason? I would like to tell them it’s totally not as what they thing. It’s not that simple. I have my own reason of course.

Go and ask girls nowadays… How many of the clever girls want to marry a CEO or politician??? Come on… I guess they prefer to be their lover. Girl friend is just enough. Only stupid girl as me is kind enough to take the risk. Remember, his job is itself is a risk. Marry him means you marry RISK and it will stick to you for the rest of your life.

It will be different if you only become the lover or girl friends… like many girls or even actress do nowadays (perhaps since long time ago???) They don’t mind to be lovers of politician or business man even they know that they are other people’s husband and dad. Those only make them feel they are worth to get his money, they will use this as their weapon “since, you can’t give me status, buy me house (car) then” or even know for the man reputation is very important, they will still ask the men “when will you marry me? When will you divorce with your wife?” (Of course they know it’s almost impossible) But these women clever until try to create sense of guiltiness to their men and make them feel they owe them so much and at the end… money spent to these women are larger than money that spend to his own wife.

Can’t totally blame them, they also take risk; they give up their time & youth. It can’t just waste for nothing. They have to think fir themselves. Today, she falls in love with a man who is other people’s husband. He can dump her anytime. At the end, he may back o his family, when he die, all of his asset might be pass to his wife or children. Won’t they worry? Maybe they are really the one whom the men love most. But it can’t guarantee their future. By asking the men to buy them house or car in advance, it’s actually buying an insurance which become asset that they can rely after they old (in case nobody wants them because of their past).

How bout the wife? She is the one who takes care of the house days and nights. She is the one who educate the children (when the children complaining because can’t see their daddy’s for a long time, she plays a very important role and persuade the children that their daddy’s is actually love them very much, he is working outside and unable to get back that soon), she also the one who often face the man’s family & relatives who might be expect so high (everything can be wrong in their eye), taking care of his reputation. She get nothing (in term of money) since after married, it’s a common sense that “my money is yours”. So what she try to do is save money (save her husband money = save her own money, she guess? cut cost, cut cost and cut cost. All the money she saves money not for her benefit but for her children, I mean their children. Children’s education fees, tuition’s fees, insurance, ect…

She didn’t say a word about this. This is her responsibility. This is what she supposes to do. The thing is she also needs to face so so so many unnecessary things. If ordinary housewives only have 30% chance to meet it. Her possibility is 99%. Phone terror from bitch or is that more polite if I say prostitute who jealous, coerce that say that her husband corruption, fear that her son being kidnapped, most of the time being left at home alone with all those stressful things (main factor women become depression or desperate), Worry husband being seduced by younger wild kittens, fear that women that in disorder women will cheat all her husband properties and ran away & being curse by black magic send by jealous parties.

Ok, now you know how great the woman who resolve to marry a CEO or politician. Now who wants to attack me? No offence.

(After I typed all this things, I was feeling SICK of this and began to reconsider my decision…) WHAT A FUCKING RISK???

FORWARD EMAIL

After I came to Inti, my University College, I start to be exposed to stuffs call emails msn, friendster, face book, ect…

Recently, there is something which annoying me and I have no idea to avoid me. Every day, it will raise my guiltiness. Make me feel so terrible.

It’s forward email. I have 200 ++ contacts and basically I’ll receive at least 5 emails each day. It’s a wonderful thing since you know that your friends who located far away from you still remember you and send cute, funny, and many knowledge from all over the word to you, make you know the latest things happen and the latest technology around the world.

The things is when you realize there are more and more junk mail or threats mail that you receive from your OWN friend, that is a “pathetic” feeling (even at the end they will write down that’s also not what they want to do, they are being forced. How ridiculous… since when people hold a knife and force you to forward an email? Nobody can force you if it’s not on your want). I can tell you that I’m not afraid of this, because I hold my own value about life and death things and I’ve certain based and understanding which deal with spiritual things.

· When I received a story which is so touch and meaningful but at the last got that kind of threaten words like ”if you didn’t forward it to at least 10 people within 1 hour, your mother will die or you will die in 7 days or you won’t ever to find you spouse or you will get bad luck for 10 years” You know what I do? I’ll edit it then send it to people. I’ll cut all the threaten words and still I will send it to even more people than what they expect me to send. You ask me why not just forward it since I also willing to send and it’s free? That’s because I don’t hope every time my friends check their email and saw my name, they will feel sad and disappointed, they will feel a pressure because it’s like an order for them.
· If the content is ridiculous, and still, it expect me to forward??? Same threats, somebody will kill me or something will kill me, with example of so many people experiences…. Only 1 action I will take… DELETE it. Then go to sleep. I’m fed up!!! So sick of this… Whatever, if you said somebody or something is going to kill me, maybe I’ve died for many times. But I persist and believe that I do a thing for others good. That will be my only protection and I do believe that my own merit will protect me from harm. With this faith, I afraid of nothing (I mean after I delete those emails) my anger and disappointment even larger than the feeling of scared.
· This is another kind of forward email. It makes me feel even worst than previous 2 types of emails. It’s about children who get cancer, husband who get accident, sad stories with real pictures. (OMG… At the end I loose again. Forces don’t work on me but this yes. They know my weak point and attack it.)

· They said that xxx company promise to donate xx cent or xx dollar for every forwarded email (what’s the point? If you really want to help, why should you bother so many people? Wasting time. What if after the money enough but the fellows already die?) So sometimes, even it’s hard and I’m feeling don’t want to forward it, I will still forward to my friends. Even though I prefer to send happiness compare to sad case to people I care, but I can’t do anything and just left it… my bad.

· However, I really wish to hear or receive announcement from the particular company to state that there are irresponsible parties who use their name for their own benefit to cheat us forward so so so many emails every day. Who knows how does it work? It gave me mental pressure until today. Somebody tell me…

My Scope, Your Scope

Talk about scope, responsibility, and task, I am a person who very strict about this. If a thing is under your responsibility, please do it. As human beings, it’s ok if sometime you do mistake, you forget or what. But at least do something to improve. Make people believe that you regret of our fault and will do it better.

Don’t know how, I tend to expect things from others, expect thing from people around me… expect things from my friends. But I can tell you that I don’t simply expect things. I expect something only from people I care, only from people whom I sincerely treat as friends.

I expect them to be good to me, I expect they to be a person who treat others gently. In the past, I even expect guys in my club
· Not to walk alone with other guy friends and left girls behind when we going to have dinner together
· Not only ”MAN’S TALK”, make girls unable to enter that conversation, and make girls feel isolated
· Not to eat before girls’ things come
· When go for shopping, when you buy nothing and girls buy a lot of thing, OFFER yourself to help
· If there is a girl stay a bit farer and it’s already very late, accompany her
· When you going to buy drinks or what, please ask whether others want or not
· For any occasion, always bear in mind “ladies first” (of course except when going to haunted mansion)
· Never let girls waiting
· Ect …

Why do I expect that much from these guys? That’s because I wish to train them to become gentlemen. All of the things stated above are common sense what?
I used to hang out with many matures guys when I was in secondary. Most of them have are working already. They really treat you as a lady.

I have no idea why after I reach University, most of the guys must be reminded to do such things? Just can’t stand and see their childish deed. Yes, they have their own cute side, they have their own value. That’s why I want to turn them to be a guy whom girls going to mad with… Out look doesn’t matter. Many girls crush with guys not because they rich nor handsome. It’s because they CARE them.

When she didn’t go for class, he will call to ask whether she is ok. When she get sick, he will ta pao food for her or offer medication??? When he knows she’ll go to somewhere and she is alone, he will offer to accompany her. AND this is not necessary to do ONLY YOUR GIRL FRIEND but try to make it to your entire girls- friend. Brothers, just imagine, if you only do this kind of thing to your girl friend, let’s say you “patto” 1 year with her. If sue-sue you finish with her, you have wasted your 1 year time, and must invest from 0% again on other girls to adding your value in her eye.

But even after you have girl friend, you still so steady… In their heart, they will appreciate and admire you. They will also talk about your good in girls talk even though they know you are already taken and every time you have conflict with your girl friend and even though it’s both side errors, the girls will tend to stand at your side. It’s deal with psychology, its deal with your 1st impression. And at the end, you break up. It won’t be a hard thing for you to get another one, because your reputation already too good. REMEMBER, don’t play-play with girls. Their mouth can be BETTER than CNN. If you offend them, they will destroy you, but if you clever enough to use it, all the benefits will back to you. So friends, be a steady & gentle man to every girl. Create win-win situation for yourselves and others. That’s your scope.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ @ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, my dear sisters, since we already done with their scope, let’s talk about our scope. We must be flexible, depend on what kind of condition men put us into. There is nothing much I can day as a girl-friend. I can only tell you to carry out your nature as a woman, be a caring person.

As a girl friend, you should make him proud of you. Once you become somebody’s girlfriend, please behave (take care of your manners), who knows? Wherever you go, you will see or meet his friends? And if you do unfavorable things, what you can do is just escape and escape. But if you behave, WHOEVER!! Just come and see, you are welcome to observe and evaluate me, because I’m not afraid. Won’t it be better that way?

As a wife, even I know if you are capable in get all the things done, but please, don’t make it the habit. Even you are “da nu ren” a big woman… Try o put down your ego and be a “Xiao Nu Ren”… except you decide to marry a “Xiao Nan Ren” that you wish you can take care (but are you sure?) Let them to be used to solve BIG thing. There are born for that. Don’t ever stick to a wrong understanding “By the name of love, I’ll cover all the responsibility for him. By the name of love, It’s ok for me to do everything” You are actually getting yourself into trouble. If you settle every big and small thing by yourself, your husband will feel that he is useless, you are look down at him. If he doesn’t think that way, then he will think. May wife is a capable woman. I don’t need to bother a thing. So everything even he can did it, he will get used to let you do them. Until one time you feel tired and will start to complain,”Why do other people’s wives can be so enjoying? Their husband bother every single thing for them, what they need to do is just cook and wait for their beloved husband come back from work, why I need to fix the lamp, repair furniture, paid for insurance , ext…” You have contributed so much but once you stop…. People will said that you like to complain, you do not understand and compassion enough to your husband, people feel you suppose to do that, since you used to do it all the time. People will blame you. Did you forget? You are the one who start it. You create that condition. You strive to do this all by what you said with “by the name of love”

If it is his responsibility, just let him do. Let him struggle outside, let him learn and let him improve. Just mind your own scope, don’t let him bother things at home, don’t make him bother by obeying your children education and manner. Don’t spoil his reputation in the eye of outsiders, Do taka care of the house, take care of every family member’s health.

Of course I know it just a basic thing and it’s not enough. I didn’t said that woman need no learn how to drive, I never mention that woman no need to learn how to fix the furniture, I didn’t stated that woman not suppose to settle big thing. OFCOURSE, women HAVE to KNOW about all these things… “in case”.

In the eye of your relative or friends, you are a weak, and maybe innocent and even stupid woman. But when your husband needs to out on duty for weeks and unluckily your mother in law fall a serious sick and need to do operation, they SURPRISE to see you drive a lone along 2 hours to other state to reach the well-known hospital
Everyday, settle all the procedures, make every single decision, and take care of her until she get well.

They will also shock when they know your husband stuck in the conflict with his superior or business partner and you can just SETTLE it for him without let him even aware about that and when he happily come back to home and tell you about this news, you just give him a warm smile and said “good loh…”.

When you ask me why I brave enough to do that? This time I can proudly tell you this because “by the name of love” Don’t you think using this words effectively will brings so much impact with different level of contribution? As a wife, don’t tend to be looked too smart, because if you do so, people will only expect more and more from you. Keep your knowledge, save your energy. Use it at the right time then people will appreciate what you did. Be a smart contributor. That’s your scope.