i have

NOW, I HAVE NOTHING BUT AMBITION

I WANT !!!

I want to feel like i'm needed.

Among my friends, i want to feel that im needed, any trip, occasion without me will be boring, quiet and unmeaningful. I m the one who make a trip live and cheer up the moment. Im the one who lead the topic of conversation, being asked for suggestion for place to hang out and a place for friends to share their sadness and happiness. In this way only, i feel myself complete as a friend

Among my class mates, i want o be an outstanding girl in class, a girl who able to impress all the lecturer, but still being recpect and like by my class mates, person to refer for any subjects in class, person who capable to giving advise on my friends assignment. But also the perfect partner for crazy party.

Among my relatives, i want to be a perfect girl in their eye. The one who have a success life, good education, good jou, good spouse, good financial, good personality, good social status, good socialization with the community. They can't help but to envy me.

In my family i wish to be a daughter who make my parents anf my family proud of me. Parents will tell their friends how glad that have me as a daughter. I have a good manner, not let them worry about me, i never let them down, i always do the right thing, always know what to do, and what not to do at the right time, right place.

IT'S BECAUSE ONLY IN THIS WAY, I WILL FEEL SECURE.I HATE THE FEELING "YOU ARE UNNEEDED, IT FEELS SO LONELY, SO INSECURED"

For my spouse; i "want" to be NEEDED, not "need" to be needed. Want means i expect, i demand; no arguement, no negotiation. It will be perfect if he feel dying if they don't see me for 1 day, couldn't sleep at all if they didn't hug me to sleep. Im a damn bitch. Because i want a guy with power, authority, a capable guy with many talents, a guy who do big thing. But we all know, most of the guy who do big thing won't feel dying without a woman. Haiz, so do i just have too high expectation? Most terrible, today "that guy" cooked me beef steak and said "i won't die without woman, if i feel lonely, i can adopt a child". SHIT !!!

PS: of course, i don't wish that someday in the future, i will up date this blog in the future to add on "another ugly truth reveal; this guy, who claimed that he can live without woman, is now my husband" It must be a largest joke on earth. "i (a self oriented, high ego woman, who expect to be needed all the time) marry a man who don't need me" hekhekhek

@state of mind@

Suddenly realize that what so-called stupid and romantic is a state of mind.

if you love a guy, no matter how small and simple the thing he done, you'll feel touch... even cry.
But if he is a guy who you don't like, or not into him, the more sacrifice he did for you is just seems like a naive and childish behaviour. This is typical women's tought.

This is an ugly truth

Semester Break's scheldulle

It all started from Friday 30th October afternoon; my last test statistic 2102 5pm-7pm. Celebrate at "ice kitchen", the new cafe with attractive design... but when we look at de menu; wan tan mee... coming soon. mineral water... coming soon. WT...? where got such thing?

31Oct-1Nov
Going Malacca, gather with my 2ndary school class mates. We went to shopping, KTV, dinner, station 1 cafe, play cards... buy my new purse & shoes. 1st night, slept in Malim's house, 2nd nite at Purple's and Antonell's house... thanks for providing me a shelter... huahaha

2Nov
Coming back... tired like crazy... do all the laundry, clean the wash room as what i do every 2 weeks. Mop de floor. then sleep till very very late.

3 Nov
Bck from Malacca, next station is Seramban. actually wat my friends lan to go is port dickson... but i just went there few a months ago... so hehe... i asked them have fun, im not going again. So they change it to KL lol... thanks for driving all the way from Seremban to fetch me..

We go to One Utama... then IKEA... then The Curve... then my favorite... STARBUCK. so happy can drink my favorite mocha frappucinno ^.^

pokai... buy RM 150 formal dress at G2000, aroma therapy candle, decoration stuff for my room, and having dinner at SAKAE SUSHI

4Nov
Time for sport... then i went to swim. keep swimming keep swimming...

5Nov
This noon im going to Seremban. Will stay over nite at Kwek's house and play over night MAH JONG... Before that, we drop by Jackie's house to BBQ with her family... her brother and his family are just back from Vietnam. Chat with jackie till 5 am before sleep... girls talk. so excited ^^
6Nov
Coming back alrd. enjoying the day. Another day to do my laundry, decorate de house... nothing else to do ^_^

7Nov
Kosep's suddenly contact me... then like so urgent come to my house with his sister and brother... and her sister's friend, haha. weird frnds. Raymond called, said that his sister was outstation, so that he had her car, asked if i still want to go to giant. Of course i want... haven't buy the old town coffee and tea that my dad want, got funny incidents dat time T.T Aftr back,go yum cha with Kosep them then we go back, talk talk talk then they sleep on de floor till 4am, wk up and leave... they couldnt hold de air cond alrd ^_^

8Nov
Going Seremban, buy my yoga mat, Sep took a medium size material beside tea pot and tea maker... directly i ask"is dat coffee maker?" Then he scold me"vaccum lah, stupid" hehe. Dinner with Tin Chew and Raymond. Talk alot... fun

9Nov
Tonite, have a gathering at my place with 3 gentlemen. 3 officially graduated officer; 1 works as Student Affair Office officer, one at Faculty Of Business and Accutancy, another work as Acomodation Office's officer. Haiz, they are new era's man. They manage to take care of themselves, even better than giirl. Thay can cook, make themselves a living, they impress many girls... make myself terrible as the host of my own house. Next time i won't invite guys who can cook well to my house, worst come to worst, they only elder 1 or 2 more years than me. Makes me feel that i am so damn fail as a woman T_T

Tonite, im celebrating their graduation. Bought them some souveneer, they are so excited, said that they can set at their office as decoration. They are my close friends; 1 is my sister (he abit nia nia, actually very steady ^.^), 1 is my younger brother "he calls me cece (tot im younger than him >.<) ok loh", another one... udon't said, people around me always teasing me with him, i don't know why, maybe i word to describe him "capable" but "stubborn"