my day

Yesterday... official day is established. I call it "my day"
I don't believe in waiting.

If you hungry, asked people to eat, cook something to eat, or go and bungkus from outside... and not hide yourself at home... wait for people to ask you out. If you don't say, who de hell will know you want to eat???

Same thing as when I feel bored. My living and studying environment which is basically located at "middle of nowhere" stimulate my brain to think out something new. It's not I got nothing to do. I gt... but it's always the same thing, at the same time and same place, with same "different" groups of people. Of course... this is de life.. way do u expect? Although I enjoyed having fun with them, I want something fresh. I demand fr somehting new. ^.^

So I create a day... once a month, Saturday night, nt disturbable, cos I reserved it for myself. After come out from hot shower... on aircond, on de yellow dark light, on the candle and rose flavor aroma therapy oil, play favorite jazz music... and taste my Bailey to the last sip... of course, wear my fancy dress. 1 of my best night ever. Only awake around 12 noon, I LOVE MYSELF ^_^

here I am... again

Here I am... again.

Sit alone in my room, in front of my computer.
Yesterday was officially the end of my semester break. Later on I m going to enroll for the next semester. Then almost 1 more year to go befre I get my degree. To fficially step out to the society.

I am exhausted for the new life. I am bored f my current life. I want to be in fancy Italian restaurant enjoying jazz and wine on Saturday nite. I want to go for art gallery or Orcestra concert at the weekend. Not what I should do now... maybe there is a time for everything. This is not what I can afford by my own now.

But now I am here... alive. That is the best gift and I can work on it. I still have a lot of time to realized these dreams. Maybe one day... someday in the future... when all this dreams become part of my life... a routine... and not just a dream, I will laughing at my self, try to figure out hw simple I am few years back... how easy I can be satisfied. Life isn't dat easy and simple out there.

Rather than just sit and wonder, I must do something. Enrich my self to make my dreams come true. I believe I will have an extraordinary life. It will be fabulous. It will be gorgeous, It will be legendary ^_~

It's near

It's officially May now. 3 weeks from now will be my cousin's wedding... and here I am, listening to my favorite jazz by Laura figy. What to prepare? Many cousins frm different countries will be gather. What will be the 1st impression I should give? How will my my entrance? Is it bombastic? or will it be de way who I am?

Ops, tonite dat turtle came by... drop by. I don't understand. He said he came by to drag movies... but he didn't bring his hard disc. So we just sit on the bed... say nothing... d nothing. watch "don't know what" movie.

Gosh, girl, it's not dat you never being alone with a guy. It's not that you never been in relationship. It's nit that you never slept with a guy. What the hack with those nervous breakdown? what the heck with those heart beat?

He keep taking pictures of your stuff, of your room. He keep having opinion and make noise about your stuff... wat the hell... then why come??

He wash the aircond filter for you, he helps you to put on new bed sheet,. Last time he came by, he made you reorganize your drawer, he threw away the so called "nearly explode" battery, whenn u organize ur stuff, you pass the rubbish for him to throw. It just a very simple, normal thing but the the thing is he act like you are his biggest enemy at outside. What the hell? And stupid you feel fine to be treated that way? You should have kick him out your house... Why you feel like nothing wrong with that?

Why did you give him back rub? and why did you lay on his back and doesn't feel strange? You never did that to any friend. Why you feel it's the way it suppose to be when he hold an umbrella to cover you from rain? Aren't you enemy? Why will he call, msn, sms, come ocassionally, unpredictably? He can always find you, you can never reach him. WAKE UP. THIS IS PROBABLY A MISTAKE. DON'T FALL ANY DEEPER.

You will rather cut any of this and end this before you get hurt further. But why you don't even have courage to kick him out of your house? Why you have no enuf courage to forbit him to come? Why you can't even let him being locked outside... don't open the door for him? Don't need to answer me now. You probably need rest. You probably need a bath. and that's what exactly I am going to do now.

It seems like I had ruin my plan to learn Italian song, but I did manage to sing jazz, progress counted ^_^