Alpha

I can't afford, being given a position, without knowing that i can bring benefit to a particular party who promote me

I can't afford, being given a recognition, without really can brings positive changes to a particular team

I can't afford, if people think i was choosen because the judge is bias

But worst of all those things, I can't afford, if my spouse not impressed by me, couldn't be persuate by me, couldn't be control by me. I can't afford my coach who i wish he will impress by me, has every single right to scold me, has every single right to point out my mistake, has every single opportunity to see mistakes i did.

I feel shamed. Really hope that my coach is actually other person, better if he is old uncle that can be my father or grand pa so i won't feel ashamed whenever being corrected by him. Really hope that i will only get knew to my current coach few years later, when i already well prepared, when i become an almost perfect girl, when i've got something to show him in my career, so that i won't feel so small and being at the same level to him, so i can speak to him naturally... as it used to be... long time ago, before he become my coach.

I can't afford to be just has a "name" and spend my life to mix into a well recognize group without really seeing a progress in my self. I just can't be the type of person that can life with a "name". It must be me who really useful... Not using other people's affort to maintain the team reputation then i also get the praise.

So far my Alpha team member really treat me as apart of them, they are friendly and have a faith in me. That's why i shouldn't let them down.That's why i promise i will improve and keep showing you guys something, keep helping each other throughout the camps and events.

they said, i said

they said i am experience as facilitator.

they said i am capable enough to lead a group of strangers.

they said i am excellent student.

they said i am special.

they said i have alot of positive value inside me.

they said... i can.

But why every time before an event i will still feel nervous?

why i couldn't just sleep well before a camp?

why will i worry that i will do mistake?

But then i still took the job when i was informed. Because i don't want to dissapoint my self. Because i don't want to dissapoint people who trust me. Because i want to try and i will keep trying until i manage to over come these fears and worries. Because i know that i will be better if
i am not give up and stop trying. I must motivate my self. keep motivating. i have to face my fear, i have to face my weakness. Because i want to be success.

Dr Sia, our University's vice president always motivate us and believe in us that we are able to change people life by our deed, by our speech. Before i can change their life... before i can motivate them, I am the person who i need to convince myself 1st. I hope 1 day, i am able to change people's life, changes their self value, change their perception, and make them better being. I hope 1 day i can be as good as her.

FiNaL

As i said, my ego is very high that not allowed me to step back or give up... and i apply this principle to my working life. Time goes by fastly and before i realize, tomorrow will be my last day working at Acomodation Office. Now i have complete my challange. I tried all the works... even guys' work. I challanged my self, i over come my barriers to adapt to the new environment, build the relatonship from zero with new people, see another side of things and directly on field with all the process regarding acomodation procedures.

Now, after almost 2 weeks working, i can handle almost all the task and even give suggestions already, and honestly, i start to enjoy my work. Still remember 1st time i came, i felt like a stranger.

All the things seems weird. But i belief that this is a natural process that will be tried by everyone. I have to adapt if i want to improve. Just give me some time, and i will be fine. I will mix with this group of strangers. And yesterday... they played cards at my place after work. I am also the one who suggest to make a surprise party for a colleque whose birthday is the day after tomorrow. So, this proved that if i didn't give up when i meet tough things, everything will be just fine. These few days working over time... tired but enjoyed. Now... in 2 weeks, i am already a part of them. Good job dear.

I have no rest time at all, yesterday and today doing mostly outdoor work, tired like hell. After tomorrow'a work, i have to continue to be facilitator for orentation week. Tomorrow is the briefing time. And i still need to plan for my camp; committee camp. Sometime you just feel helpless. But there is just something inside your heart asks you to stand still. I used to imagine if i resigned from ALPHA team and become ordinary student. There will be no competition, no obligation, no stress, no responsibilities. I can fully utilized my spare time.

My friend, senior , brother, officer; Mr Raymond told me that 1 of the famous Miss Universe's judger said "Those candidades who said that they love reading is bull shit. Nodody will make studying as hobby... compare to hang out, having party and enjoy with friends. The think is we realize the importance of fulfilling ourselves with knowledge then we control our self and tell ourselves to sacrifice the time for having fun to study."

Some time, i salute this guy. He read alot of books and he remember, and manage to apply the things he used to read. As when i complain if i working straight away at the college once i gaduated, my salary will be very low. Because they can only treat it as internship... because i am not local. Then he asked whether i still remember what the Robert Kiyosaki wrote in the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. The rich dad said, "don't bother how much you earn, just concern on how much you learn." This words heard similar to the word my coach, senior, friend; Mr Arthur said "if you only care about how much money will you get when you were asked to do some work, at the end of the day, you will only end up getting few bucks of pocket money... you will learn nothing."

How sure a am that i can really "utilized" my time to do or learn something that will be benefit for myself if i quit from ALPHA team? Thirst of authority, thirst of power, thirst of recognition. Maybe this is a very horrrible things for other people, maybe people will look down on or feel that i am dirty me when they know my ambition. Maybe, in people's perception is common, these attitude is the root of evil. But for me, these are the only thing that motivate me to stand still until this moment.

Today, number of students who check in are increasing. Some of them are accompanied by their parents. I saw my dad in their dad's face. Looked straight and firm. Supervise their son and daughter carefully. Sometimes when they feel the things their children said is not exactly correct, they just can not control themselves to jump out and settle for their children, leaving their children stand quiet there, withput any chance to settle down their own problem. It felt bad... and shame... i knew it because i used to be treated same way when i was 12, when i was 1st time study abroad. For our parents, that is the way they show their love. This is parent's natural reaction. That's why since and then, i will rather do all the procedure and visa, even passport thing alone. I want them to trust me... so that i will have confidence... so that i will trust my self that i can actually settle down my own thing,

I used to read a book; there is a so called perfect mother, every night, she read bed time story for her daughter... and she did it for years. One day, at the middle of the night, she felt thirsty and decide to go to the kitchen to have some water. When she passed by her daughter's room, she was surprice to see that the light was on (she already off it when she came out from there after read her daughter bed time story and make sure that she has slept). when she enter the room silently, she saw her daughter was doing her revision. She then asked her daughter curiously why is she soing that? Then the little girl replied "I know you can only sleep well after you know that i am slept, so i just pretend to slept everynight and do my home work an revision after you going to bed" So actually the mother is babysitting the child or the child is baby sitting athe mother? LOVE is a very simple thing. Some time, even a child who we though knew nothing, is actually more than what you see, maybe they even can do more than what you ever imagine. Never undersstimate a pure soul ^_^

so this is how it feels to be "work"

When i was a kid, I always wonder.

Why do those adults (no matter in TV, novel, or reality) tend to wake up early then rush to work... even they look unhappy to do so.

Almost all people around me who already works tell me: "you should appreciate your study time, enjpy it. Don't complain" while i am so envy them as they don't need to do assignment, prepare for test. They even can earn $$

1st time staying back at college to do part time job (which unpredictable, we this group of people being told to work full time)

Now i guess i know what they feel. When you still studying, you are forced to go to school by your parents. Whenever you face any misfortune, you got somebody to blame. It make your life at least not that tough.

After you work, you yourselves force you to wake up and go to work every day; because responsibily is there, threat of being fired is there, needs toward money is there. Unfortunately, you have no one to blame now but yourselves... when there is unwanted things happen to you... and you still need to tell yourself to wake up and go to work everyday ^_^

when i

When i find out that i am weak in certain thing, i will do something.

When i am having fun with friends and they sing cantonese song in the car... together... their favorite songs because those song accompany them through their high school, and after we dismiss, they find nithing is wrong. The day just end. But not for me. It's a new beginning for me... I fully use every minute of my free time to search the name of singer online... track her song, lyric, write down the pronounciation in alphabeth style by repeating press play and pause. it takes me whole weeks to practise those few songs. And after a while, i suddenly sing in the car... and they are shock. I can't bear being loose... try me and you will know what i will do and what i can do.

There is also a time... lot of time, a situation that expect me to be compared with others... If he or she is too good and i realize that i can do nothing to be better than them, then i'll make their weaknesses being seen. I call it flexibility. If you can't change others, change your self, You you can't change your self, change what people; opinion about "other"

There is lots more "when i", a truth within me, which are typical reaction on most of people, only they don't realize or feel shy to write down... and i , will only share this with myself.

dream vs reality

This is my blog, and i have every single right to decide what to write and what not... regardless how real or how fake it is. Again... because this is my blog.

And this blog is private. That's why i never revealed this address to anyone. So that i can express what i am thinking without any interuption.

i can say i want to be a rich and succesful person here, i can also say i want to be the 1st lady of the country, to be a woman that has LOTS of power.

But when i think further, only served as VP in a estimated"time period" only, it drove me almost crazy. Even the best VP award is changed with my blood and tears.

What if i really become 1 of the person i wish i become? Can i mentally and physically afford the pressure? the trhreats, the barriers... with unknown time period? I think the right thing to do now is to prepare my self... inside and outside... mentally and physically.

fish head

Use to read a book. There is a middle class family with quite lot of children.... with a mother whose favorite food is fish head so that in every meal whenever there is fish, her husband and children will leave the head a side for their mother to show their love.

This continuing for years till one day when the mother get old and sick... her children sit around her and try to feed her with rice and fish head, try to serve her as best as they could for their mother who has been take a good care of the family. The eldest son said "mom, here i bring you your favorite fish head, eat some."

Suddenly this old lady burst into tears and cries like a baby. She said "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry. i am so regret." Her family try to convience her that there is nothing to regret nor sorry for. She did a very great job for the family. Then she answer"No... i'm not feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for myself. I spend my whole life to serve all of you, to put all your needs upon mine, i don't like fish head at all, i hate them. There are so many thron that will sting my tongue. I told you i like it so that you people can eat more without feel sorry for me."

And here is my conclusion; as a guess, your "respect" controls your desire to eat too much in front of the host. As a host, your "manner" controls your desire from eat too much in front of your guest. As family member, your "love" controls your desire to eat too much. You want to leave it for other family members.

So when can you eat as much as you want??? of course when you are like me now... alone in the middle of no where... you don't need not life for others, need not worry about what will people say. This is privacy, this is all about your own life isn't it? hekhekhek

kuih vs cake

It's quite complicated but we got 2 houses which located just few blocks away. The one who being stayed is the old one while the new one, only being stayed by me and my sister when we back to Indonesia. However, we'll still have to back to our old house everyday for our meals.

Me and my sister prefer the new house because we were left all alone without interuption by parents. But 1 thing annoyed me so much everytime i back to Indo is everyday i will get morning call from my mom or dad or both, rushing us to go back to eat. Even they realize that we are young adult alrd... and know how to come back by ourselves whenever we hungry. Maybe it's my problem for leaving home since i was 12, im nit comfortable not being leave alone, when i think back, maybe they want to see me more ofter... since i only go back few times in a year... even if i also lock myself in the room at our old house, i kow that they just feel "safe", having me around home... even withpout any interaction... so just stay at the old house let them look at me if they want.

ops, 1 more problem, my dad still like to buy me cake (same cake as he bought me everytime when i was in primary school), he don't know and i find hard to tell him that i m not fancy with that kind of cake anymore. But how does anyone expect me to tell him now i prefer secret recipe than the cake he bought me? But i appreciate it, can't blame him cos his memory about my favorite food is just till my primary school... before he sent me out (i request to be sent out) to boarding school to study abroad. So whenever see him bought the cake and knew that he buy for me, i eat it... i don't want to dissapoint him, and i end up as fat girl every beginning of semester after sem break. That's why dis time i came back 1 month in advance... but can't lie... evenn it has been yeas for me to travel, the "home sick" symptom still there... the matter is just now i can convince myself and adapt faster and faster to the changes, like me now... being at my apartment alrd, i enjoy being independent ^_^

this is what i want

quite peace

still me... and the good news is holiday is still 30 more days from now. Will find a job tomorrow. I believe in my self... as always ^.^

dear...

Dear diary...

may i want to become a very succesful investor...

i PROMISE.

bless me ^_^

i have

NOW, I HAVE NOTHING BUT AMBITION

I WANT !!!

I want to feel like i'm needed.

Among my friends, i want to feel that im needed, any trip, occasion without me will be boring, quiet and unmeaningful. I m the one who make a trip live and cheer up the moment. Im the one who lead the topic of conversation, being asked for suggestion for place to hang out and a place for friends to share their sadness and happiness. In this way only, i feel myself complete as a friend

Among my class mates, i want o be an outstanding girl in class, a girl who able to impress all the lecturer, but still being recpect and like by my class mates, person to refer for any subjects in class, person who capable to giving advise on my friends assignment. But also the perfect partner for crazy party.

Among my relatives, i want to be a perfect girl in their eye. The one who have a success life, good education, good jou, good spouse, good financial, good personality, good social status, good socialization with the community. They can't help but to envy me.

In my family i wish to be a daughter who make my parents anf my family proud of me. Parents will tell their friends how glad that have me as a daughter. I have a good manner, not let them worry about me, i never let them down, i always do the right thing, always know what to do, and what not to do at the right time, right place.

IT'S BECAUSE ONLY IN THIS WAY, I WILL FEEL SECURE.I HATE THE FEELING "YOU ARE UNNEEDED, IT FEELS SO LONELY, SO INSECURED"

For my spouse; i "want" to be NEEDED, not "need" to be needed. Want means i expect, i demand; no arguement, no negotiation. It will be perfect if he feel dying if they don't see me for 1 day, couldn't sleep at all if they didn't hug me to sleep. Im a damn bitch. Because i want a guy with power, authority, a capable guy with many talents, a guy who do big thing. But we all know, most of the guy who do big thing won't feel dying without a woman. Haiz, so do i just have too high expectation? Most terrible, today "that guy" cooked me beef steak and said "i won't die without woman, if i feel lonely, i can adopt a child". SHIT !!!

PS: of course, i don't wish that someday in the future, i will up date this blog in the future to add on "another ugly truth reveal; this guy, who claimed that he can live without woman, is now my husband" It must be a largest joke on earth. "i (a self oriented, high ego woman, who expect to be needed all the time) marry a man who don't need me" hekhekhek

@state of mind@

Suddenly realize that what so-called stupid and romantic is a state of mind.

if you love a guy, no matter how small and simple the thing he done, you'll feel touch... even cry.
But if he is a guy who you don't like, or not into him, the more sacrifice he did for you is just seems like a naive and childish behaviour. This is typical women's tought.

This is an ugly truth

Semester Break's scheldulle

It all started from Friday 30th October afternoon; my last test statistic 2102 5pm-7pm. Celebrate at "ice kitchen", the new cafe with attractive design... but when we look at de menu; wan tan mee... coming soon. mineral water... coming soon. WT...? where got such thing?

31Oct-1Nov
Going Malacca, gather with my 2ndary school class mates. We went to shopping, KTV, dinner, station 1 cafe, play cards... buy my new purse & shoes. 1st night, slept in Malim's house, 2nd nite at Purple's and Antonell's house... thanks for providing me a shelter... huahaha

2Nov
Coming back... tired like crazy... do all the laundry, clean the wash room as what i do every 2 weeks. Mop de floor. then sleep till very very late.

3 Nov
Bck from Malacca, next station is Seramban. actually wat my friends lan to go is port dickson... but i just went there few a months ago... so hehe... i asked them have fun, im not going again. So they change it to KL lol... thanks for driving all the way from Seremban to fetch me..

We go to One Utama... then IKEA... then The Curve... then my favorite... STARBUCK. so happy can drink my favorite mocha frappucinno ^.^

pokai... buy RM 150 formal dress at G2000, aroma therapy candle, decoration stuff for my room, and having dinner at SAKAE SUSHI

4Nov
Time for sport... then i went to swim. keep swimming keep swimming...

5Nov
This noon im going to Seremban. Will stay over nite at Kwek's house and play over night MAH JONG... Before that, we drop by Jackie's house to BBQ with her family... her brother and his family are just back from Vietnam. Chat with jackie till 5 am before sleep... girls talk. so excited ^^
6Nov
Coming back alrd. enjoying the day. Another day to do my laundry, decorate de house... nothing else to do ^_^

7Nov
Kosep's suddenly contact me... then like so urgent come to my house with his sister and brother... and her sister's friend, haha. weird frnds. Raymond called, said that his sister was outstation, so that he had her car, asked if i still want to go to giant. Of course i want... haven't buy the old town coffee and tea that my dad want, got funny incidents dat time T.T Aftr back,go yum cha with Kosep them then we go back, talk talk talk then they sleep on de floor till 4am, wk up and leave... they couldnt hold de air cond alrd ^_^

8Nov
Going Seremban, buy my yoga mat, Sep took a medium size material beside tea pot and tea maker... directly i ask"is dat coffee maker?" Then he scold me"vaccum lah, stupid" hehe. Dinner with Tin Chew and Raymond. Talk alot... fun

9Nov
Tonite, have a gathering at my place with 3 gentlemen. 3 officially graduated officer; 1 works as Student Affair Office officer, one at Faculty Of Business and Accutancy, another work as Acomodation Office's officer. Haiz, they are new era's man. They manage to take care of themselves, even better than giirl. Thay can cook, make themselves a living, they impress many girls... make myself terrible as the host of my own house. Next time i won't invite guys who can cook well to my house, worst come to worst, they only elder 1 or 2 more years than me. Makes me feel that i am so damn fail as a woman T_T

Tonite, im celebrating their graduation. Bought them some souveneer, they are so excited, said that they can set at their office as decoration. They are my close friends; 1 is my sister (he abit nia nia, actually very steady ^.^), 1 is my younger brother "he calls me cece (tot im younger than him >.<) ok loh", another one... udon't said, people around me always teasing me with him, i don't know why, maybe i word to describe him "capable" but "stubborn"

@COINCIDENCE@

I GOT 600 over FRIENDS IN FACEBOOK THAT THEY CAN PICK RANDOMLY...





I ONLY DID THIS TEST ONCE... but this came out

this fellow... who i quarell the most among any other living beings in this earth.

THIS COINCIDENCE APPEARS TOO CREEPY

and also when we decide the seat arrangement in bus by drawing.... there are 40 ppl, and i sit with him

as well as when we draw the ticket movie.... there was no more egular seat since there are a big group of us and there was no choice but to buy a couple seat... and both if us got it... again...

the he found that both of us were using exactly the same perfume... only aftr 2 years we knw each othr...

Or doing the same thing at the same time... only different place... only know when he told me through message

I don't care too much at the beginning at 1st but aftr so many coincidence...

WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD. Doesn't make sense at all >.<

i am not perfect, and i will never be... (regardless how much i wanted to be in fact)

1 sem almost past. it's around 2 months already since i leave club's life.
Haven't fully get used to this kind of life. Once i let go, my burden dissapear... in fact. And there is nothing i suppose to regret after what achieved in my term... got the best vp for my post, club also won the most awards. But what actually annoying me these time...

As i am appointed to become advisor for new term, more or lest, i should help out in their event, at least check on them, attending their meeting, know and understand their current situation, always be there providing mental support, and when it's needed, provide them some advise. It's not because i am better than them. Me heer still learnimg, and this truth won't changes forever. The reason that made me has the right to sit in front of them for the evaluation of Board of Directrors, become a bad person who point out their mistakes is because i used to be as them, i used to go through the situation exactly as what they have now, and that i already passed it.

And basically, they appear to be friendly and respect me... as a friend, as an advisor. But somehow i found that the more i attend their meeting... observing they lead a meeeting, from the 1st time nervous, shy guy to become a firm leader who manage to make decision (of course there are lots of conflic, ,flesh and tears between) in the event he incharge, i realize that they are exacly ahat me and my committess were last time, when we all... strangers are committed in the club as Board of Directors. And i slowly but firmly can say that, they will do just fine without me. Some times , i will observe from a distance, how they work together, how they promote the event, how they react to customers... or conduct a meeting. Then i said to my self... my time is passed. I am not suppose to interupt their decisionmaking style and force mine, or out a limitation on their creativity.

Leo Mission is a tutoring program to orphanage, Zoo Negara is community service to zoo, teking care of environment+the faunas... And in short semester where the time is very pack, they manage to organize both of them, notincluding some other fix events... They even manage to combine it... make the orphans do the community service work together with us. i can see a bright light in them. It's such a creative idea. The purpose for children: to increase their awareness to the wild life and teach them how to love other beings instead of complaining on their fate as an orphan. They can also learn human skills that can't be learnt in class room through the service. Good Job.

Some times, my ego do appear, sense to be acknowledge, sense to be announce and still miss my sit in front... at the middle... facing lots of people, but don't i already have it for the whole year? I should i go in front, critisize new terms and tell them what to do? Take overthe authority from them and make adjustment infront of other members? of course not. That will be too childish.

9 phrases that women use

1. FINE:The word women use to end an arguement when they are right and you need to shut up

2. 5 MINUTES: If woman is getting dress, it means half an hour. 5 minutes is only 5 minutes
if you just been given 5 minutes to watch the game before you helping around the house

3. NOTHING: it is CALM BEFORE THE STORM
It usually means "something".
It could means "BE ON YOUR TOES"
arquement that begin in "nothing" is usually end in "FINE"

4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, NOT permission. "DON'T DO IT"

5. LOUD SIGH: Tend tobe misunderstood mostly by men. It's mean YOU ARE AN IDIOT and she wonder why she is standing here, wasting her time arquing with you about "NOTHING"

6. THAT'S OK: 1 of the most dangerous statement a woman can make. She will think long and hard befire deciding how and when will you pay for your mistake.

7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you, Don't ask a question or faint. Just say "you are welcome".

8. WHATEVER: Woman's way of saying F@#% YOU!!!

9. IT'S OK, I GOT IT: Another DANGEROUS statement. Something woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will result in a man asking "what's wrong?" For woman;s response, refer to number 3

APPRECIATE

To realize the value of a sister or brother, ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years, ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years, ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year, ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months, ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second, ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE

爱的箴言

作曲：罗大佑 作词：罗大佑

我将真心付给了你
将悲伤留给我自己
我将青春付给了你
将岁月留给我自己

我将生命付给了你
将孤独留给我自己
我将春天付给了你
将冬天留给我自己

爱是没有人能了解的东西
爱是永恒的旋律
爱是欢乐泪珠飘落的过程
爱曾经是我也是你

我将春天付给了你
将冬天留给我自己　
我将你的背影留给我自己　
却将自己给了你

cantonese

歌曲：炼金术歌手：杨千桦 track 5 给我一团熊火 试炼我证明我这么狠狠爱过 kap ngo ya tun heong fo si lin ngo, ceng ming ngo ce mo han han ngoi go 期望不多只要得到过 你身旁 那宝座 kei mong bat to ci yiu dek dao guo, nei sam pang na bou co 给我一场洪水冷静我 眼泪太多已汇聚成河 kap ngo yat chong hong soi lam ceng ngo, ngan loi tai do yi wui coi seng ho 力竭声嘶请你喜欢我 什么事都做过都不能感动你么 lek kei seng sai cheng nei hei fun ngo, sa mo si dou co guo, dou bat nang gan dong nei mo 原来暂时共你没缘份 来年先会变得更合衬 yun loi cam si gong nei mut yun fan, lai nin sin wui bin dak geng hap chan 顽石哪天变黄金 我可以等 lan sei na tin bin wang kam, ngo ho yi dan 融合二人是哪样成份 但愿虔诚能显得吸引 yu ho yu yan shi na yang seng fan, dan yun kin sin nan yan dak hak yan 用五十年溶化你成就金禧一吻 yong em sap nin yong fa lei, sin cao gam hei yat man 不够激情仍可靠耐性 对付你的冷酷及无情 bat gao kek cheng yin ho kao noi seng, doi fu nei dek lam ho kap mou cheng 沉默假使都算种本领 我一定 最安静 chan mo ka si dou sun cong bun leng, ngo yat ding coi ngon ceng 深信忠诚迟终会获胜 那份固执终于都会被尊敬 sam son cong sin chi cong wui wo seng, na fan gu cak cong yu dou wui bei jun geng 如炼金般等你先转性 除非遗失人性怎可能一直结冰 yu lin gam bun dang nei sin jun seng, choi fei wai sak yan seng, cam ho nang yat ci gi beng 原来暂时共你没缘份 yun loi cam si gong nei mut yun fan 来年先会变得更合衬顽石 ha nin sin wui bin dak gan hak cam, man sek 哪天变黄金我可以等 na tin bin wong gan, ngo ho yi dan 融合二人是哪样成份 yong ho yi yan si na yang seng fan 但愿虔诚能显得吸引 dan yin keng seng nan yin dak kat yang 用五十年溶化你成就 金禧一吻 yong em sap nin yong fa nei seng cau, gam hei yat man 头白了 还在等 情人预约在黄昏 tau pat liu wan coi dan, cheng yan yu ye coi wong fan 原来暂时共你没缘份 yun lou cam si gong nei mut yun fan 来年先会变得更合衬 lai nin sin wui bin dek gan hek chan 期待再苦再难堪 kei doi coi fu coi nan kan 我都会忍 ngo dou wui yan 谈情十年未晚不怕等 tan cheng sap nin mei man pat pha tan 渡日如年仍觉得兴奋 tok yat yu nin heng gok dak heng fan 若最后能溶化你 yat coi hau neng yun fa nei 何用心急手震 ho yong sam gak sau can 明日之歌 track 10 凉了的汤 吃饱也觉没趣 long liu dek tong, hek bao ya kok mut choi 年幼的酒 全干了也未醉 nin yao dek cau, chun gon liu ya mei coi 难过的心 连花开都感心碎 nan guo dek sam, lin fa hoi dou gam sam soi 时空交错 停留不去 shi hong gao cho, theng lau bat hoi 啊～ ～ 为何暗自流泪 a... wai ho ngan ci lau loi 啊～ ～ 为何需要伴侣 a... wai ho soi yiu bun loi 绝情绝句 是留是去 jut cheng jut doi, shi lau shi hoi 犹如在悬崖堡垒 yao yu zoi yu ngai cok bou loi 算了吧 算了吧 别唏嘘 xun liu ba xun liu ba bit hi hai 将心事 将忧郁 藏歌里 cong sam si cong yao wat chong gu loi 拾情拾趣 爱惜眼泪 sap cheng sap choi, moi sek ngan loi 别再 贪心去追 bit coi, tam sam hoi coi 寒冷的天 有飘雪胜落絮 hon lan dek thin, yao phiu siu si lok soi 年老的山 凭烟雨变绿翠 nin lao dek sam , pang kin yu pin lok choi 难过的心 能抛弃往日思绪 nan guo dek sam, nan pao hei wang yat si soi 时光飞过 哪会倒退 shi guong fei guo, na wui dou toi 啊 为何暗自流泪 a... wai ho ngan ji lao loi 啊 为何需要伴侣 a... wai ho soi yiu bun loi 绝情绝句 是留是去 ju cheng ju goi, shi lau shi hoi 犹如在悬崖堡垒 yau yu zoi yun ngai cok pou loi 算了吧 算了吧 别唏嘘 xun liu ba xun liu ba bit hi hoi 教往事 教爱恨 随风去 gao wang si gao ngoi han choi fong hoi 十年十岁 也许再聚 sap nin sap soi, ya hoi zoi zoi 若你 苦心进取 yap nei, fu sam cong choi 难过雨天 已不怕再面对 nan go yu tin, yi pat pa zoi min doi 尝过雨点 明天掌握手里 seong guo yu tin, ming tin cong nga sau loi 真爱开玩笑 tract8 他应该很爱我吧 ta ying gai han ngoi ngo ba 但我不拣他拣了你吧 dan ngo bat gan ta gan liu nei ba 就似是Ｂ级片指定剧情 cau chi shi b kap pin ji ding ku. qing 像你永远等她 她却要跟他 ceong nei weng yun dang ta ta kok yiu gan ta 能错的统统都错了吧 nan cho dek tong tong do cho liu ba 情节拖拉得别提也罢 cheng jik tho lai de bit tai ya ba 何事你与我脱离银幕 ho shi nei yu ngo tu. lei ngan mo 还是似戏里那样的差 hoi shi chi hei lei na yang dek cha @问结果可否出我意表 man kik ko ha fou chot ngo yi biu 这段情对我也相当紧要 zhe du.n cheng doi ngo ya san dong gam yiu 再次失手 以后或者不想演了 zoi chi sek sau yi hao wa ce bat seong yin liu 受到祝福的恋爱很少 shou dao cuk fuk dek lun ngoi han siu 可笑的闹剧就是停不了 hao siu de nao kek jiu shi teng pat liu 真爱偏偏太似个野孩子 爱开人玩笑 can ngoi pin pin tai chi go ye hao ci ngoi hoi yan mun siu ____ 颗颗心七上八下 fo fo san chot sam bat ha 为了不甘心的错爱吧 wei liu bat gan sam dek cho ngoi ba 就算被反覆搬演二十年 cau sun bei fan fuk bun yun yi sap nin 问哪个制片家 可以制止他 man na go zoi pi ka ho yi zoi ji ta 求爱敢死队相继跌下 kao ngoi gan sei doi seong goi dip ha 又有新的烈士承接吧 yao yao san dek li shi ce ji ba 沉闷也要坐到完场吧 chan mun ya yao co dou yun cheong ba 留在最暗处继续搜画 lau zoi zoi ngan ju gai cok shau wa 问结果可否出我意表 man kik ko ha fou chot ngo yi biu 这段情对我也相当紧要 zhe dun cheng doi ngo ya sam dong gam yiu 再次失手 以后或者不想演了 zoi ci sek sau yi hao wa che bat seong yin liu 受到祝福的恋爱很少 shou dao cok fok de lun ngoi han siu 可笑的闹剧就是停不了 ho siu di nao kek jiu shi teng bat iu 真爱偏偏太似个野孩子 爱开人玩笑 cin ngoi pin pin tai shi go ye hai ci ngoi hoi yan wun siu 愿最终章可出我意表 yun coi cong ceng ho chot ngo yi biu 结局完美到我忍不到笑 kik kok yun mei dou ngo yan bat dou siu 救救中间 故事烂得多么紧要 kao kao zhong gan gu shi lan dek na mo gam yiu 受到祝福的恋爱很少 shou dou cok fu dek lun ngoi han siu 可要等参加者就捱不了 ho yiu dan can ga ce cau ngoi bat liu 真爱先不再似个野孩子 爱开人玩笑 can ngoi sin bat coi cai shi ye hoi ci ngoi hoi yan mun siu 

歌曲：小星星　　 歌手：杨千桦　　 专辑：杨千桦2004开大 track13 

 当天应该得7岁 我想喝妈妈的汽水 dang tin ying goi dak chat soi, wo san hok ma ma dek hei soi 把它抢在掌心里 大人无法迫我睡 ba ta chong coi cong sam loi, da yan mou fa bek ngo soi 他跟她今天竟饮醉 我想抢的不止汽水 ta gan ta gam tin geng yam coi, wo son cheong de bat ci hei soi 输光自尊也斗下去 压力大得欲望都失去 su guong /ji jun ya dou ha hoi, nga lek/ da dek yu mong dou sat hoi 一闪一闪小星星 开开心心的唱诗 yat sin yat sin siu seng seng, hoi hoi sam sam dek cheong si 但为何一毕业才知 一世我也要考试 dan wai ho yat pat yi choi ji, yat sai ngo ya yiu hau si @谁也好 即使爱侣都没有必要待我好 soi ya hou, jik si ngoi loi dou mut yao bit yu doi ngo hou 甜辣酸苦都一样当宝 谁亦会计数 tin la sun fu dou yat yong dong bou/ soi yit wui kai sou 牺牲才得到的快乐 亦没什么味道 hei san choi dek dou de fai lo/yut mou sam mo mei dou 难怪我双协插了刀 nan guai ngo song yut cha liu dou 为博他答谢也好 wai pok ta da ce ya hou 仍没法开心得这样早 yi mut fat hoi sam dek ce yang cou 谁愿欠我一世人间散步 soi yin hin ngo yat sai/ yan gan san bou 善良人永远天真到 sin leong yan weng yun tin can dou 做好心不信得恶报 co hou sam bat son dak ngo bou ______________________ 终于都跟他分手了 我开过的心不算少 cong yu dou gan ta fan sau liu, wo hoi guo de sam bat xun siu 今天起睡得够最重要 以后幸福亦未必敢笑 gam tin / hei soi dek gao coi cong yiu/ yi hau heng fok yi mei bek gan siu @ 一闪一闪小星星 yat sin yat sin siu seng seng 简简单单一辈子 gan gan dan dan yat pui ji 就从头到尾哼一次 忘记智商去做人 cau chong tou dou mei hang yat chi , mong gei ji seong hoi cou yan 都愿意 dou yun yi 

可惜我是水瓶座 - 杨千桦 track18 

原来你这样珍惜我 从前在热恋中都未听讲过 别说这种行货哪里留得住我 到底是为什么分手你很清楚 如可笨到底但到底还是我 谁人待我好待我差太清楚 想继续装傻却又无力受折磨 心里羡慕那些人盲目到不计后果 我就回去别引出我泪水 尤其明知水瓶座最爱是流泪 若然道别是下一句可以闭上了你的嘴 无谓再会要是再会更加心碎 要是回去没有止痛药水 拿来长岛冰茶换我半晚安睡 十年后或现在失去反正到最尾也唏嘘 够绝情我都赶我自己出去 犹如最结实的堡垒 原来在逐点崩溃 逐点粉碎极固执的如我 也会捱不下去每天扮著幸福始终有些心虚 如可笨到底但到底还是我 谁人待我好待我差太清楚 想继续装傻却又无力受折磨 心里羡慕有些人盲目到不计后果 我就回去别引出我泪水 尤其明知水瓶座最爱是流泪 若然道别是下一句可以闭上了你的嘴 无谓再会要是再会更加心碎 要是回去没有止痛药水 拿来长岛冰茶换我半晚安睡 十年后或现在失去反正 到最尾也唏嘘 够绝情我都赶我自己出去 

歌词姊妹(杨千桦) 姊妹 - 杨千桦 - Miriam 姊妹作曲／编曲／监制：c. y. kong填词：林夕

听过你太多心事 但已经不再重 theng guo nei tai do sam si, dan yi geng bat zoi cong yiu 要眼见你快做新娘 做密友的真想撒娇 yao geng nei fai co san leong, co mat yao dek can seong sat kiu 我与你太好姊妹 为你竟哭了又笑 ngo yu nei tai hou ji mui, wai nei keng hok liu yao siu 时装都弃掉 穿一世婚纱算了 sei cong dou hei diu, chun yat sai fan sa xun liu @唯求好姊妹 抱我一抱 wai kao hou ji mui phou ngo ya phou 唯有我听过你对我哭诉 wai yao ngo teng guo nei doi ngo hak sou 蜜运后又离又合苦心得好报 man wan hau yao lei yao hou, fu sam dak hou bou 我都有听你劝告 不要计数 ngo dou yao teng nei hvn gou, bat you gai sou 他错了要故意扮成糊涂 ta cho liu yiu gu yi ban seng hu tou 终于你守得到怎么我和我的他忍不到 cong yu nei shau dak dou ca mo ngo ho ngo dek ta yan bat tou #每当我爱到跌入漩涡将错就错关系亦出错 mui dang ngo ngoi dou dit yat xun wo, cang... cho cau cho, guan hai yi chat cho 我总太爱人逼到爱人变做朋友再变生疏 ngo cong tai ngoi yan, bek dau ngoi yan, bin cou pang yao zoi bin san so ..................让我说我愿意谁在乎过 你知道那答案快提示我 yong ngo shun ngo yun yu soi zoi hu go, nei ji dou na da ngon fai tai si ngo 分半点福气给我不准留低我一个 fan bun din fok hei kap ngo, bat con lau tai ngo yat ko ___________________________________ 我信我有这一日 伴侣肯专注待我 ngo son ngo yao zhe yat yat, bun noi hon jun ju doi ngo 每晚也定安临 像俗语讲开花结果 mui man ya gu ding ngan long, cong cok yu kong hoi fa kik guo 却怕我爱得轰烈 没信心可以渡过 kok pa ngo ngoi dak guan li, mut sun sam ho yi dou guo 情感可错赠 婚纱照不敢拍错 cheng gam ho cho can, fan sa jiu bat gan hok cho @ # ...................总有天亲耳听到 我爱侣对天宣布 cong yau tin chan yu tang dou, wo ngoi loi doi tin xun bou 生与死都爱惜我 我要讲我愿意谁在乎过 san yu sei dou ngoi sek ngo , ngo yiu gong ngo yun yi soi coi hu guo 你知道那答案快提示我 总有天找到一个 nei ji dou na da ngon fai tai si ngo, cong yau tin cau diu yat go 真的值得爱 can tek cek dak ngoi 

的士司机 作词：潘源良作曲：芹泽广明 月黑风高雨低 yut ha / fong gou / yu dai 你突然讲起身世 nei tak yun gong nei san sai 共你一起很久那位刚生了男孩 gong nei yat hei han gao na wai gong san liu nan hai 竟将你漏低 geng cot nei lau dai 你说已对这里失望 nei shut nei doi zhe loi sat mong 更慨叹你储钱无方 gan koi tan nei choi cin mou fong 给你再次结婚有望 kap nei coi ci kek fan yao mong 亦未必快乐 bing mei bi fai lok 我说别再讲 ngo sut bit coi gong @是场游戏 shi chong yau hei 为何劳气 wai ho lou hei 做人认真只会苦了自己 co yan yin can ji wui fu liu ci gei 别谈自己就谈论大市今天算合理 bit tan ci gei cau tan dai si gan tin xun ha lei 是场游戏尽人事但到底都靠运气 si chong yao hei jeng yan si than dou dei dou kao wan hei 儿嬉有道理严肃可致死 hei yao dou lei / sok ho ci sei 何必要动真气 ho bi yiu dong can hei 共我深交那位漂亮幸福兼尊贵 gong ngo san gao na wai piu long heng fok kik jun guai 没有东西不可放低怎想到突然抑郁到自毁 mut yao dong sai pat ho fong dai can seong dou dak yin yu wat dou ci wai 你说你我都太苦闷 我答我没有空狂欢 nei sut nei wo dou tai fu lu, ngo dak ngo mut yao kong kuang fun 工作吃喝再找个伴又或者我们已厌倦这般 gong co hei ho coi cau go bun, ya wa ce ngo mun yi ngun cin ce bun @是场游戏为何劳气做人认真只会苦了自己 别谈自己就谈论大市今天算合理 是场游戏尽人事但到底都靠运气儿 嬉有道理严肃可致死 何必要动真气 你在播这歌, 突然提示我, 背后作歌的 nei coi bo ce go, dak bit toi si ngo, bui hou co go dek 用短促的一生给这世间 yong dun chok dek yat sam kap ce se gan 开心太多不要问我志愿是什么 hoi sam tai do, bat yiu man ngo, ci yun si sa mo 是场游戏 就如共你 shi chong yau hei, cau yu gong nei 莫名地交心到解构自己 mo meng dei gau sam dou gai kou ji gei 但是自己 dan shi ji gei 在明日大概再记不起你 zoi ming yut dai koi coi gei bat kei nei 别谈道理地球上与你这的士司 bit tan tau lei , de kao song yu nei ce dek si si gei 机曾相处几里 co san chut gei lei 陌生的知己 mok sam dek ji gei 很高兴认识你 han gou heng yun sek nei

歌曲：野孩子 歌手：杨千桦

野孩子歌词

就算只谈一场感情

chao xun ci tam yat chong gam cheng

除外都是一时虚荣

choi ngoi dou si yat si hoi wui

不等于在蜜月套房游玩过

bat dang yu zoi mai yut thou fong yao wan guo

就可自入自出仙境

cau ho ci yat ci chot sin geng

情愿获得你的尊敬

cheng yun wa dak nei dek jun geng

承受太高傲的罪名

seng sau tai gou ngo dek coi meng

挤得进你臂弯如情怀渐冷

coi dek cong nei bei wa yu cheng wai cek lam

未算孤苦也伶仃

wi xun gu fu ya leng deng

* 明知爱这种男孩子

ming ci ngoi ce cong nan hai ci

也许只能如此

ya hoi ci nang yu chi

但我会成为你最牵挂的一个女子

dan ngo wui seng wai nei coi hin gua dek yat go loi ci

朝朝暮暮让你猜想如何驯服我

ciu ciu mu mu yong nei choi seong yu ho xun fu ngo

若果亲手抱住或者不必如此

yak wo chan sau pou ju , hak ce pat bi yu chi

许多旁人说我不太明了男孩子

hoi do pong yan sut ngo bat tai ming liu nan hai ci

不受命令就是一种最坏名字

bat sau meng leng cau si yat cong coi wai meng ci

笑我这个毫无办法管束的野孩子

siu ngo ce go hou mou ban fat gun chok dek ye hai ci

连没有幸福都不介意

lin muk yao hang fuk dou bat ka yi

------

若我依然坚持忠诚

ya ngo yi yin kin chi cong seng

难道你又适合安定

nan dou nei yau sek hak ngon deng

真可惜说要吻我的还没完

can ho sek sut yiu man ngo dek wan mei man

自己就梦中苏醒

ci gei cau ci mong zhong sou seng

#离场是否有点失敬

li cheong si fou yau din sat keng

还是更轰烈的剧情

wan si gam guan lei tek gat ching

必需有这结果才能怀念我

bit soi yao ce kit kuo , choi nan wai nin ngo

让我於荒野驰骋

yon ngo yi fong ye ci ching

*明知爱这种男孩子

也许只能如此

但我会成为你最牵挂的一个女子

朝朝暮暮让你猜想如何驯服我

若果亲手抱住

或者不必如此

*许多旁人说我不太明了男孩子

不受命令就是一种最坏名字我

笑我这个毫无办法管束的野孩子

连没有幸福都不介意

少女的祈祷

沿途与他车厢中私奔般恋爱

yu thou yu ta che san cong si ban bun lin ngoi

再挤逼都不放开

choi cai bit dou bat fong hoi

祈求在路上没任何的阻碍

kei kao coi lou song mut yan ho dek cong ngoi

令愉快旅程变悲哀

leng yu fai lv cheng bin bei ngoi

连气两次绿灯都过渡了

lin hei leong chi lok dong dou guo dou liu

与他再爱几公里

yu ta coi ngoi gei gong lei

当这盏灯转红便会别离

dang ce can dang chun hong bin wui bit lei

凭运气决定我生死

pang wan hei khut teng ngo sam sei

*祈求天地放过一双恋人

khei khao thin dei fang guo yat seong lun yan

怕发生的永远别发生

pha fat sam dek weng yun bit fat sam

从来未顺利遇上好景降临

chong loi mei son li yu song hou geng gang lan

如何能重拾信心

yu ho nan chong sa son sam

祈求天父做十分钟好人

khei kau thin fu cou sat fan cong hou yan

赐我他的吻如怜悯罪人

chi ngo tha tek man yu wan coi yan

我爱主同时亦爱一位世人

ngo ngoi ju thong si yek ngoi yat wai sei yan

祈求沿途未变心请给我护荫

khei khao lei thou mei bin sam cheng khao ngo wu yang

为了他不懂祷告都敢祷告

wai liu tha pat dong thou gou dou gan thou gou

谁愿眷顾这种信徒

soi yin yu gu ce cong son thou

用两手遮掩双眼专心倾诉

yong leong sau ce yun seong ngan cvn sam kin sou

宁愿答案望不到

ngun yun da ngon mong bat tou

唯求与他车厢中可抵达未来到车毁都不放开

wei khau yv ta che seong cong ho dei da mei loi, dou che wai tou bat fong guo

无论路上历尽任何的伤害

mou lun lou sang li cong yin ho dek song hoi

任由我决定爱不爱

yan yao ngo ki=oik deng ngoi bat ngoi

*祈求天地放过一双恋人怕发生的永远别发生

我爱主同时亦爱一位爱人

太爱他怎么想到

这么恐布对绿灯去哀求哭诉

然而天父并未体恤好人

到我睁开眼无明灯指引

我爱主为何任我身边爱人

离弃了我下了车你怎可答允

约定 还记得当天旅馆的门牌 还留住笑著离开的神态 当天整个城市 那样轻快 沿路一起走半哩长街 还记得街灯照出一脸黄 还燃亮那份微温的便档 剪影的你轮廓太好看 凝住眼泪才敢细看 忘掉天地 彷佛也想不起自己 仍未忘相约看漫天黄叶远飞 就算会与你分离 凄绝的戏 要决心忘记我便记不起 明日天地 只恐怕认不出自己 仍未忘跟你约定假如没有死 就算你壮阔胸膛 不敌天气 两鬓斑白都可认得你 还记得当天结他的和弦 还明白每段旋律的伏线 当天街角流过你声线 沿路旅程如歌褪变 忘掉天地 彷佛也想不起自己 仍未忘相约看漫天黄叶远飞 就算会与你分离 凄绝的戏 要决心忘记我便记不起 要决心忘记我便记不起 明日天地 只恐怕认不出自己 仍未忘跟你约定假如没有死 就算你壮阔胸膛 不敌天气 两鬓斑白都可认得你 就算你壮阔胸膛 不敌天气 两鬓斑白都可认得你

我，双子

有很多的朋友，可是“看起来朋友很多，可是知心的没有几个”这句话很深刻的形容了双子。

双子很能说话，他跟别人可以天南地北的聊，可以聊得很八卦，也会聊一些很严肃的话题。

双子可以跟你聊很多东西，可是注意了，他都只是跟你聊一些不关自己的事。随便他跟你说些什么，可是跟自己有关的都只是些皮毛而已。比如，今天又有某个明星怎样怎样了；隔壁班有多少美女帅哥的。关于自己的事，他几乎是不说的，就算是说，也是说一些关于自己无关痛痒的事。

当你想更进一步的了解双子，他会很自然的把话题给扯开。对于自信的双子来说，他又同时很没有安全感，这是双子特有的矛盾。他喜欢把自己重重包围住，不让自己暴露。对于双子来说，如果在一个还不了解的人面前把自己暴露了，就等于让别人抓住了自己的把柄。这样就失去了一定的优势。当双子感到独孤悲伤时，只会一个人躲在房间里哭，或者一个人郁闷着。

双子也很怕被伤害，很多时候宁愿自己承受一切，也不愿别人抓住自己的把柄。所以久而久之也就养成了习惯。双子基本上也是个很痛苦的人。表面上总是很有活力，很快乐的样子，可是没人的时候他又总是很忧伤。双子总会被一种莫名的悲伤笼罩。但他不会让别人发现的，他怕被伤害，也怕被别人抛弃，只能自己硬挺着一切。所以双子很神经质，精神脆弱，容易人格分裂，因为承受了太多的东西. 　　　　

一般来说双子的孩子都很早熟。双子对很多的东西都在乎得要命，可是表面上就是看起来什么都不在乎。双子并不是故意要掩饰自己，上面说了，这只是一种习惯了，可是在外人看来他就成了虚伪的人。 　　　　 　　　　

双子是被公认的最花心、最冷酷无情的星座。其实对于双子的花心，真的不想再说些什么了。解释得太多，累了，也没耐心了。可是说起双子，就不得不提感情，双子这一生，似乎必须被感情牵伴，跟爱情纠缠一世。很多人说双子并不花心，只是博爱，所以才会有那么好的人缘。忘了在哪里看见了这样的一句话：双子最大的悲哀在于有两个人的思想，却只有一个人的身体，双子有爱自己所爱的人的权利，也有保护彼此所爱的人的义务，双子只剩下一个时，爱也就只剩下义务了。 　　　　 　　　　

我想用如来若去说的一句话给双子的花心做个总结：花心的极端就是痴心的可怕。该懂的人应该会懂的。至于冷酷无情真的不知道该从何说起。其实双子是最平和的星座，如果可以不发生冲突，都会尽量避免。双子也很少跟别人吵架，他讨厌吵架，如果是因为一些生活琐碎小事吵架，那么双子就在吵完的那一刻就把这件事给忘了；要双子真的跟你翻脸，除非是你的所作所为或所说的话实在让双子不能忍受，这时他会很鄙视得看你一眼，然后头也不回地走掉，甚至会不给你留面子地离开。这时你一辈子也别想再和他和好了，就算有的双子碍于面子和你再成为朋友，但是他们已经对你鄙视到了极点，只不过维持着这一层不得不维持的“朋友”关系其实.

很大一部分双子，对待感情是非常专一的，之所以给人留下花心的美名，是因为很少有人能够让略带童心的双子动真感情，不是双子铁石心肠，而是双子个性里面天生有一些忧郁，一些潜在的不自信，只是双子隐藏的深入，可是一旦让双子动了真感情，那么恭喜你了，双子的天真，率直，外加表达能力丰富，一定能让你获得很多快乐。 　　　　 　　　　

每个双子都有一个故事隐藏在心里，多数是不堪回首的往事，双子是个念旧或者说是喜欢沉浸在回忆中的星座，他（她）的这个故事通常都是因情所困，动了感情而被伤害了的双子是脆弱的，也是坚强的，他（她）可以很快的振作起来，可以当什么事都没有发生，这些都是双子演给世人看的罢了，等到夜深人静的时候，双子内心的伤痛随着血液渗透到全身，他（她）可以一整夜的去回忆之前的点点滴滴，可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之中，可以一整夜坐在那里发呆，但是，一旦天亮了，要出去见人了，双子马上就从痛苦中抽身而走，你看到的肯定是一个神采奕奕的双子，这就是双子，拥有双重性格的双子，一个在世人面前乐天，快乐，在孤独夜晚独自伤悲的双子。

双子的爱是最永恒的，可以付出一切，有人说我们花心，那时我们没有真正的爱，当双子爱上一个人的时候是痛苦的，因为我们太敏感。假如双子爱上了一个不爱自己的人，那莫我相信他永远都不会再爱了，当爱给过了一个人，他再也没有能力再付出了，其实太多的人都不懂我们，其实连我们自己都不懂自己，我们很会伪装，很会说谎，但我们最细腻，对感情最敏感，双子的爱与悲伤，谁又真的了解。

Why I Am Not Happy

I have been think of this for years. Tonite, i come to a conclusion that most of the time, i am not happy because of myself. I am the one who decide and set the mind not to be happy, not anyone else. I am also the one who set myself to let others effect my mood. So what to do then? Then chane it. Change my perception.

My biggest weakness is i will interpret myself based on what people done to me. If most of the time, i already become center of attention, loved and doted by everyone, people hear whenever i speak, people help even i just simply speak out my problem, and one day... when everyone is busy or have their own stuff to bother, i will feel SOOO LOST. I will feel being boiccot, i will feel that whole word is giving me up.

Luckily i know where my problem is. Why did i have so much ego? Why i expect so much from people? Who are you to expect all the good time only happen to you everyday? Evryone will have their hard time and i will do just fine.

Recently i have been selected as best vice chair person from around 50 clubs in my school... and that is individual award. Many people congrats me and sthink how lucky i am. But i am not happy. When it is said as BEST, for me it have to be 1 person only. And we have 2 vices in my club. Is that the reason i feel down? Well, i am really sick, Even though the other vice is not recognized, she only like to contribute from behind... silently, she even didn't come for the night, at 5 star hotel... venue is grand, people are grand... everything seems to be perfect, my club get 6 awards... and she even graduated alrd, i am the one who up of the stage... but i still feel down. Am i too ambitious? I don't know.

And now after my term end and i stepped down, i feel even LOST as i am no longer "some one"
in my community. I fear, I scared, i worry, i afraid, i frustated, i desperate. I can even just cried without a clear reason. Just feel sooo lonely not belong to a group, even though a got many groups of good friends. Why i feel so badly while i see other people luckier than me? 1st time feel that helpless since my time in university. I used to think i am stromg, i used to think that many people can rely on me. I used to think i am independent enough to take care of my self... and others as well. The fact is, the closer the time i step down, till this moment, when i really stepped down, i become more emo.

I think i need to read some self development books, do some yoga or meditation, find some useful activities instead of waiting to be care by people...

I need to improve myself, add my own value to be worth to be love by everybody again. Maybe the only solution for this "greedy me" is only improve and continuing improve.

What is simple? I saw many simple people around me.. they enjoying who they are, they never think to be somebody, never thing to be recognized, never think to extend their social circle. Sometimes, i wish i am one of them, but this kind of tought can only last for few seconds.

I want to be highly recognize, when i see someone who better than me, i wish i can master the skills she or he have and when i am fail to do so... i will feel stress even worst than before. It's just like nothing can heal me from this... can't help my self neither. And i am not open enough to tell people these kinf of stuff because it is embrassing.

Previously, i feel not secure to write a diary since everytime, my sister will look into it. Lyckily we have blogging this kind of stuff. I can freely express myself... as long as i never exposed my password and address to people, nobody is going to know. I hope so...

I will be a very successful and happy woman on earth. I believe... and i promise.

girls talk

We had a gathering with my "sisters tonite". They are my close friends. Unfortunately, this gathering is not as usual. This is more to a private meeting... maybe girls talk. There are 6 of... mostly from diffrenent states, different backround and different characteristic.

Now what? One of my close friend being hit by her boyfriend who already stay together for years??? Basically, i still assume myself as a patient type of person. Whenever i still can get along with a thing, i will try my best to control my emotion (even lot of people don't think so... i don't know why)

I love to have people around me, i like to talk, to share, to play and i love crowd, especially when people around me are my close friends. But the thing is, personal space is very important to me either. That's also 1 of the reason why i move out, i feel that i have something of my own.

Back to My friend'S case, she have problem with the acomodation if she really decided to break up with her boyfriend. 3 other girls stay hostel where the security is soo strict. You can only be allowed to enter by if you are the resident. Another girl stay too far, and honestly, she is closer to me than to that girl. Actually she already asked if she can stay with me 2 days before.

It's not the thing as normal couple fight. There is no such thing that you cab tolerate a man for performing physical violance to his girl friend. My close friend has been slapped and hit by key board. KEY BOARD!!! WTH???

But i think it is a childish behaviour to go in group to her house and accused or judge her boy friend. It's not fair since we, as outsider, especially her close friend, will have bias perception since we only hear from one side. Maybe there are still so many inner process they have go through that we don't understand and for that, we have every right to stay neutral.

All of us encourage her to break up. The problem is on her. She can't live without him. She is too depend on him. And it seems like he understand that and not bother to her feeling, not respect her, maybe just keep her at home as maid.

What's more serious problem as i understand is that guy has too many girls around him. He have ONLY 2 guy friends (the rest are girls) that cause insecure to my friends. But what to do? This is also the main reason why they keep fall into arguement.

If things get worst, we all will help her to move the stuff, and i might temporary have a room mate again

婚前与婚后

以前提到結婚，想到「天長地久」；現在提到結婚，想到「能撐多久」。

當初會結婚，說是「看上眼」；後來會離婚，說是「看走眼」。

婚前，愛情是神話；婚後，愛情是笑話。

男人花錢，是為了讓女人高興；女人花錢，是因為男人讓她不高興。

嫁入「豪門」，要懂得理財； 嫁入「寒門」，要懂得生財。

以前的人，視婚姻生活為「一輩子」；現代的人，視婚姻生活為「一陣子」。

婚前，男人在餐廳等女人； 婚後，女人在客廳等男人。

婚前，男人經常找女人「討論」； 婚後，男人只告訴女人「結論」。

婚前，男人對她悄悄講話； 婚後，男人對她大聲講話。戀愛時，情話綿綿； 結婚後，謊話連連。

戀愛時的男人，喜歡「毛手毛腳」；結婚後的男人，變成「沒手沒腳」。

婚前，情侶做什麼都是「浪漫」；婚後，夫妻做什麼都是「浪費」。

想結婚，是自己已能獨立； 想離婚，是子女已獨立。

婚前的男人，大都很幽默；婚後的男人，大都很沉默。女人的記性，吵架時最好； 男人的耐性，結婚後最差。

戀愛時，一見面就「親嘴」； 結婚後，一見面就「鬥嘴」。

婚前，男人常給女人「空白支票」；婚後，男人常給女人「空頭支票」。

戀愛時，生活「妙不可言」； 結婚後，日子「苦不堪言」。

婚前，男人天天盯著女人； 婚後，女人天天盯著男人。

熱戀時，總相許下輩子再結良緣；結婚後，懷疑上輩子造作孽緣。大男人，會「作威作福」； 好男人，會「作牛作馬」。

婚前，「謊話」都是「情話」； 婚後，「情話」都是「廢話」。

婚前，靠近一點；婚後，閃開一點。

婚前，沒話找話說； 婚後，有話也不說。

「成功」？對男人的定義是指能賺很多的錢， 對女人的定義是指能花很多的錢。男人有錢就變壞，女人變壞就有錢。

男人沒有女人，耳根清淨； 女人沒有男人，居家乾淨。

男人「入錯行」，上班會很痛苦；女人「嫁錯郎」，下班會很痛苦。

好女人，養壞男人的胃口； 壞女人，吊足男人的胃口。

婚前，男人像傳令兵；婚後，男人像指揮官。 失戀不見得是世界末日： 你的心也許會「泣血」，你的荷包卻可以不再「失血」。

Motivation ~ Ambition

I found that almost every semester, especially in business classes, i will have chance to meet knowledgeble yet interesting lecturers who willing to share their own experience, own life, as well as life of people around them as example.

I can see alot through their eye, they read books, i read them. They experience stuff, i gain experience from them. I prefer this kind of opportunity and enjoy the process of learning in class, rather than just follow everything from the notes and text book.

I like the way they share about many funny yet ridiculous behaviour of multinational leading company's CEO life who is their friend, how their another friend, an Germany multimillionaire fight with his wife just to eat "nasi lemak" (due to cholestrol problem), and how their executive friends concern everyth=ime they use airline services... it's not the price, not the speed, but the MENU. that's a big issue for them since they need to be on plane for atleast 1o+ hours for business trip. I'm very interesting or exactly envy them for those unusual experience (it's heard unusual for me who haven't reach that level of living).

I can't deny that all those stories did motivate me to study hard to reach that kind of life someday... but at the same time, i realize that it also make me to become an ambitious person which definitely impact to my perception toward value in my life.

I keep image one day will have that kind of living and that feeling bacome stronger everyday. Sort of creepy actually. I also surprise to know new things like if you graduated from harvard university, England, you don't need to send your resume to find a job... companies will send their resume and achievement to you. And i order to draduate from that school, you need to travel to certain contry, just to complete an assignment. Even to attend a two hours class, people (consist of CEO, senior manager, top management, and executive or even ministers from countries all over the world) are flyinf from all over the world and they will fly back at the same day on spot, right after the class, to continue their own work (business). I can't imagine there are such a riiculous things before...

Some more, what open my eyes during a forum I attend in 4 star hotel in Penang that whom participant involve 1000 people from all over Malaysia, Singapore, and Brunei Darussalam is i meet a very succesful woman, she is a Datuk actually, who purposely arrabge her time to mwwt us to give us some speech amongs her pack scadulle. Before she came to meet us, she just came back from Beijing, China, a day before that, she went for Aceh, Indonesia, ... the day before, she was in Korea to attend a conference where the day before , she also came back from Philipine. I couldn't control myself from admiring this kind of succesful woman. She is a mother, elegant, independent, has her own career and achievement, and internationally well recognized. I will be like her one day.. I PROMISE!

i am who i am

When people look into your eyes, they see pure innocence. Your eyes sparkle and you like to flaunt them, and often use them to manipulate people. You're a kind-hearted and intellectual person that loves being loved and getting attention, but others don't see that you can sometimes be defensive and aggressive when you don't get your way. You're really not as innocent as some people think!

The perfect combo. Both your son and daughter will grow up to make you proud. Your son will always look after his sister when you're not around, and in return she will keep her brother in check. Get ready to run around a lot. From ballet to soccer practice, you're going to be one busy parent

Steffi took the What ACCENT should you have? quiz and got the result: British Accent..

You're smartest when it comes to social intelligence ou've got people smarts! Social intelligence refers to the ability to read other people and react appropriately. As a result, you probably have a pretty keen sense of others' motivations most of the time. It's likely that you can also spot the difference between what people say and what they really mean. This understanding of behavior and human nature can help you go far. After all, it's been said that it's not what you know, but who you know that counts. And you have a way with people. Your social intelligence may manifest as having the gift for gab, being a top-notch networker, or an excellent listener and friend. However you put this intelligence to work, you're sure to be admired for an abundance of social know-how.

10 years from now... you'll be sitting in your comfortable chair busy working on a lot of paperwork! Well atleast your hardwork paid off bigtime! Since your now the boss of your own business! And your name is listed on the world's top 100 richest people! How rich!

魅力指數75%。你是個樂觀、大方的人，異性通常會很樂意與你接近，特別是你陽光般的微笑，更是為你增添了幾分魅力。只是，太過開朗讓你少了些許神秘感。你對公眾生活感興趣，並渴望在其中扮演一個角色。魅力、雅致是你不可分割的部分，理所當然，你對於異性一直保持著相當大的吸引力。

是一位賢君，猶如唐朝的李世民，貞觀之治十年，人民國泰民安。忠言順耳，懂得分辨是非黑白

Really... trying... very... very.. hard to be neutral

I dont think that i am a holy person who never do a mistake. Today, i am actually in a good mood, by doing my weekend job, cheiking email, list my agenda for tomorrow till i accidentaly found out this clip with tags "drug, illegal,woman."

1st time i wish a could kill a person that much. No offend, it did spoil my feeling and image about certain country and religion. Even though i am a Buddist, i grow in a Muslim country and even furthur my study to an another Muslim country. So far the image of these people to me is OK. They are polite, nice and not kind. The way they do a thing is simple and seldom thing to used others for own benefit, even in doing business. They life their live straight, honestly, quietly.

For other crime cases which is commit by them, it might also depend on individual's moral level and their own perception bout their value. So basically, i am not in the position to judge a religion after seeing this clip.

The thing is i am terribly frustated and annoyed by this. Some naive people are getting confused by what they learn and they insist that what they know is right and must be right. Even an atheist will do a thing based on common sense. We should be flexible and not to deathly follow what told to u. Stand up and speak out for the the things you think not right. Some of these Pakistan people who commit this rapa things and the victim's naive family who don't give mental support but asked them to kill theirselves are defenately hold the wrong perception and think too EXTREME toward their religion.






There is NO GOOD religion on earth that encourage their believers to commit such a cheap deed... "rape???". Even my religion, asked me NOT TO BLINDLY BELIEVE WHAT HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO ME, LEARN IT, UNDERSTAND IT, FIND OUT WHETHER IT'S TRUE BY YOURSELF THROUGH YOUR EXPERIENCE, THAN ONLY ACCEPT IT. I also been taught to accept any opinion or thinking from ANY party, if its good and can bring happiness to all beings. We not suppose to be reject reject and reject what???

I wish i can do some thing now... to help those women and children in Pakistan. But so far, with their extreme point of view? who i am to persuate them, to change their thinking? How sure i am that they will listen? I am just an outsider. In different race and religion some more.

1 thing i know, i wish that i can do ay thing... anything that possible from here, as long as i can do. 1st step' Pakistan is a Muslim country. Even if they don't bother to listen to an out sider, at least they won't reject opinion of their fellow Muslim's brothers and sister. There are a lot more Muslim counties and believers all over the world. If these people are united together, that is not possible to bring changes through political influence. They will have certain power that can bring changes for the welfare of a lot of our fellow "human beings" at Pakistan. Yeah, we should get some one who respected and know about this religion things so that it will be easier to change them.

I really wish that this "culture" can be stop! WHAT???

• SOMEBODY RAPE YOU
• IF YOU REPORT IT AT POLICE STATION, POLICE WILL RAPE YOU AGAIN, PUT YOU TO JAIL AND LASHES YOU
• YOU GO TO DOCTOR,DOCTOR WILL RAPE YOU
• YOUR FAMILY WILL PRESS YOU TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE THEY FEEL THAT YOU ARE A SHAME
• EVEN IF YOUR FAMILY DIDN'T ASK YOU TO SUICIDE, PEOPLE WITH GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND THREATEN YOUR FAMILY, EVEN TRY TO KILL YOU
  

It's ridiculous ...

Now About The Law

• Rape victims are criminals
• Local culture for raped victims are stone to death
• There must be atleast 4 witnesses (all muslim and all citizen) testimony of women and non muslim DO NOT COUNT (NAIVE... if there is any witness, they will probably help the victims already, why should they find enough 4 people to become witness after the criminals finished their job? need to interview to asked whether they are local and muslim some more)

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND AGAINST THE NORM. IT'S NOT RELATED TO ANY RELIGION AND BELIEF, CRIME IS CRIME AND THE CRIMINALS SHOULD BE PUNISH!!!

I don't understand why until today, there is no authorized party dare to stand up to correct this. If a country don't have the power to enter other country's politics, then United Nation should take over this job. These people can't wait.

Previously, after reading the news, i hate Israel government sooo much as they bomb Pakistan just to own their land caused many "innocent " civilians lost their family, lost their home and suffer. After i realize how complicated is the situation in Pakistan, i start to think twicw and wonder...

• before the war, many women and children already suffer so much, will they feel war is even better as they are no longer need to worry to be harm by their own race?
• Or before the war, do they wish to death rather than to life in that kind of society?
• Or will they will even peaceful after the war because they can finally feel the care and love or their people as they are in same position as the victims of war now.
• I hope the war can be stop, within and outside the country. I hope that Istrael will stop terminate that country and people of Pakistan will gain lesson of what they did.
• In my opinion, the real victim is still women and children

THAT'S WHY I WISH TO BE A POLITICIAN OR IN POLITIC'S CIRCLE SO THAT AT LEAST I CAN USE MY RELATION AND POWER TO HELP MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WHO NOT STAYING WITHIN MY COMMUNITY.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/yt-tLN11ym5uXE/rape_laws_in_islamic_pakistan/

真的爱我就不要让我伤心

每次你都会说你是多么爱我
我曾如此真心的感动
但为何你的温柔总要我苦苦追求
在我孤独的时候

每次你都会说你有多么疼我
我却愈来愈没有把握
好怕你真的不懂到底我在乎什么
爱到头是一场梦

如果你真的爱我就不要让我伤心
请你好好珍惜我
我宁愿告诉自己并没有等错了人
只是你不了解我

如果你真的爱我就不要让我伤心
留在身边陪伴我
用你的手紧紧拥抱我
爱到天长地久

Why We Wear The Blue Ribbion

A Letter from Bonney Finney to all Blue Ribbon Heroes

NO! It isn't true. It simply cannot be true. They are telling me that my grandson is dead, but there must be some mistake. But deep in my heart, I knew it was true for I have not seen him in weeks. It's been so long since I sat by his side in the hospital. Of course I knew something was wrong as I sat there. I saw the fear on his face, the bruises on his body, and the healing cigarette burns on his hands. His doctor did not believe my daughter's story "he fell in slippery water in the bathtub." I felt sick.I didn't understand. Are my granddaughters all right?

I only had one child. She was a beautiful little girl - the light of our eyes. We knew she had entered into a stormy marriage, for we brought her home several times in the 5 years it lasted. We suspected heavy use of drugs BUT in those five years, 3 beautiful healthy children had been born. I loved them dearly and they loved me. The children were 16 months, 3 years and 4 years.

After the ordeal at the hospital, my grandson was placed in foster care for 3 weeks. He cried when they came to return him to his mother. He told his foster mother, "My mamma don't love me" and begged to stay. I ached for his dilemma, but I wasn't physically able to care for him. The courts believed that home was the best place for him, but I knew better and I told, no I begged them, not to return him to his mother. But I was overruled - my grandmother's instinct didn't count.

I never saw Bubba again. My 16 month old granddaughter was hospitalized after being beaten severely her leg broken in four places, and her hand burned from the tips of her fingers to her wrist. It was only then that the "search was on" for Bubba. We learned he had been killed, wrapped in a sheet, stuffed into a toolbox, and dumped into the Dismal Swamp 3 months earlier.

My grandchildren had suffered and battled so much throughout their young lives that it sickened me. My life was turned into physical and mental chaos

My efforts to understand became a plea to stop abusing children. I tied a blue ribbon on my van antenna to make people wonder. It caught on locally with restaurants, businesses, police and TV and radio stations supporting me in my efforts to make it a real awareness campaign.

Why blue? I intend never to forget the battered, bruised bodies of my grandchildren. Blue serves as a constant reminder to me to fight for our children.

Please wear a blue ribbon.put one on your car.give one to your friends.tell them what it means. You may save a child's life! If you suspect ANYTHING is happening to your children.your grandchildren.the child next door.PLEASE ACT! If you get no response, try again! You may not hear their screams.you may not see their bruises.so check for the pain and the screams in their eyes. Watch for the screams in their eyes.