I want to feel like i'm needed.Among my friends, i want to feel that im needed, any trip, occasion without me will be boring, quiet and unmeaningful. I m the one who make a trip live and cheer up the moment. Im the one who lead the topic of conversation, being asked for suggestion for place to hang out and a place for friends to share their sadness and happiness. In this way only, i feel myself complete as a friend
Among my class mates, i want o be an outstanding girl in class, a girl who able to impress all the lecturer, but still being recpect and like by my class mates, person to refer for any subjects in class, person who capable to giving advise on my friends assignment. But also the perfect partner for crazy party.
Among my relatives, i want to be a perfect girl in their eye. The one who have a success life, good education, good jou, good spouse, good financial, good personality, good social status, good socialization with the community. They can't help but to envy me.
In my family i wish to be a daughter who make my parents anf my family proud of me. Parents will tell their friends how glad that have me as a daughter. I have a good manner, not let them worry about me, i never let them down, i always do the right thing, always know what to do, and what not to do at the right time, right place.
IT'S BECAUSE ONLY IN THIS WAY, I WILL FEEL SECURE.I HATE THE FEELING "YOU ARE UNNEEDED, IT FEELS SO LONELY, SO INSECURED"
For my spouse; i "want" to be NEEDED, not "need" to be needed. Want means i expect, i demand; no arguement, no negotiation. It will be perfect if he feel dying if they don't see me for 1 day, couldn't sleep at all if they didn't hug me to sleep. Im a damn bitch. Because i want a guy with power, authority, a capable guy with many talents, a guy who do big thing. But we all know, most of the guy who do big thing won't feel dying without a woman. Haiz, so do i just have too high expectation? Most terrible, today "that guy" cooked me beef steak and said "i won't die without woman, if i feel lonely, i can adopt a child". SHIT !!!
PS: of course, i don't wish that someday in the future, i will up date this blog in the future to add on "another ugly truth reveal; this guy, who claimed that he can live without woman, is now my husband" It must be a largest joke on earth. "i (a self oriented, high ego woman, who expect to be needed all the time) marry a man who don't need me" hekhekhek
