I can't afford, being given a position, without knowing that i can bring benefit to a particular party who promote me
I can't afford, being given a recognition, without really can brings positive changes to a particular team
I can't afford, if people think i was choosen because the judge is bias
But worst of all those things, I can't afford, if my spouse not impressed by me, couldn't be persuate by me, couldn't be control by me. I can't afford my coach who i wish he will impress by me, has every single right to scold me, has every single right to point out my mistake, has every single opportunity to see mistakes i did.
I feel shamed. Really hope that my coach is actually other person, better if he is old uncle that can be my father or grand pa so i won't feel ashamed whenever being corrected by him. Really hope that i will only get knew to my current coach few years later, when i already well prepared, when i become an almost perfect girl, when i've got something to show him in my career, so that i won't feel so small and being at the same level to him, so i can speak to him naturally... as it used to be... long time ago, before he become my coach.
I can't afford to be just has a "name" and spend my life to mix into a well recognize group without really seeing a progress in my self. I just can't be the type of person that can life with a "name". It must be me who really useful... Not using other people's affort to maintain the team reputation then i also get the praise.
So far my Alpha team member really treat me as apart of them, they are friendly and have a faith in me. That's why i shouldn't let them down.That's why i promise i will improve and keep showing you guys something, keep helping each other throughout the camps and events.
