What Kind of Man He Will Turn To

Last semester I became tutor for LEO MISSION. We went to orphanage to become for those unprivileged children. Actually they taught me a lot of things. They taught me how to teach, they trained my passion, they showed me if there is other side of life which is different from mine, they let me know how lucky I am & how I should appreciate what I have in current.

Now, the mission is completed but sometimes I will still think about those children. I don’t know when I have this thinking but I’m sure that I already have this idea deep inside my heart since few years ago. Somehow, girls in my club always say that the way I’m thinking is like a 30 years old women (doesn’t it too old)

Since I was in primary school, I already like to plan a lot of things that normal girls in my age don’t even think about. I’ll think for future and some people say that I always think too much. My dad the eldest son among is 10 siblings. This makes him become a strict and responsible person. When I was a child, in my memory, I have a very big family because not only my dad’s sisters who haven’t married are staying with us, even his cousins also stay with us. And he has his own family to afford. That becomes 1 of the reason why they respect my dad so much.

Previously I never bother about all these things. I just enjoy it and feel happy to stay among people who love me until I left my house to further my study. That time I was 12 years old. As I grow up and will only going back 3 or 4 times a year, I start to think outside the box. I no longer assume things based on what I see.

I will try to analyze and put my self at others’ shoe (no offense, some times I do make mistakes, I do stubborn and become a subjective person) Now, there arte no any relatives staying with us anymore. They all have their own life, family, and story but my family’s story still continue. The lesser I’m going back to home, I can see clearer what is happening in my house, thing that I won’t able to observe when I live with these people everyday.

As the eldest daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, it will be a stressful thing for my mom. Her every single deed will be observe b people especially my grand-ma. I feels like she can not do anything wrong, because she will be the example for others. My grand ma used to stay together with us (since I was born until past few years). I found that those are staying with their parents after married, even you are the one who afford for their food, shelter, medicine, clothes, and all their expenses, you always not enough for them… it’s not because you really not good enough, it’s because he/she sees your face everyday.

Be reminded that old people are easy to “pet chet” Especially when their rheumatics burst out. Their moods will become terrible. Everything you might be wrong or not perfect enough in their eye. And seems like they always success to revenge by keep praise other children or other daughter-in-law and say that they are better than the one who staying with them. (Even everyone know they didn’t do as good as the one who living with them done)

This is one of the common phenomena which face by most of the family.
Its unfair right? Buy what to do? What we can do is understand them. Sometimes, old-folk’s brains are working exactly the same way with children. Why we should bother with that and put it in mind?
Based of what I see in my real life, again, I will imagine, what kind of family I will marry into, Is it the only child? Or the eldest son likes my dad who is reliable and responsible but stubborn and fierce? Or is he comes from big family or a man who is fully controlled by his mother?

Well, I guess I wish to marry the eldest son whether with no other siblings or only have sisters. This will make my parents in law have no one to compare with me. If for you I am the worst, I will also be your best daughter-in-law… no matter you accept it or not because I am the only one who will serve and take care of you when you get older and when your son is working outside. Don’t bother about your daughter. When they marry and have their own family, they have their own responsibility to fulfill as a wife, as a daughter-in-law, and as a mother. Their time is limited to accompany you… different with me. I am the one who will take care of you every single day. So no matters how… don’t be stubborn and stop act childish, because if you are naughty... you don't want to know what i can do. If you want to mess with me, try it, bring it on. Just want to remind you thatnit won’t brings you any benefit. So try to love me. (I’m innocence).

Actually I have special sense of feeling. I never tell people because for some parties, it might be inauspicious words especially for Chinese. But I really used to think about it for a long time, in my secondary school. I have a thought about unprivileged children (orphans). People might say they are pity, unfortunately, no manner, wild, dirty, aggressive or what. But in my eye, there are only 2 results for them. 1 is “he is not give up himself, fight over his destiny and will become a successful person”, another is “he is fall into decay and let his destiny determine his entire life. This kind of person will usually end up with nothing”

Today, I won’t discuss much about the 2nd type of orphan, because it really uneasy to be a Mr Good when they grow up since the environment is so HARD. But for orphans who can find their self value and appreciate themselves, they will be a great man when they go out to society. The whole idea is since they are a child, they already live in a tough environment and that is more than enough to train them to be strong person. If you are strong enough means you are safe. If you are weak, then it’s not other people’s duty to protect you from being bullied. If you try to talk to your guardian, you will get more shits.

The guardian is also a human. They will feel tired, they will feel bored. They won’t bother you if you keep bothering her/him only to complain small things. Some times, there is time when they only open half eye in handling those orphans problem. So since they was a child, they already know that life is UNFAIR... much more earlier than other children did in their age who still being fully protected and unexposed to real world outside by their beloved parents (I could be considered as these kind of people before i left home, my parents love me ^.^)

That’s why as they grew up, the way they have their own way to do a thing, they have ambition, they will plan further for themselves (they have no choice, nobody will going to think for them but themselves), they are not easy to believe in others (because in orphan home, nobody is their own siblings and they are used to live that way). They are independent and have strong personality.

I don’t know how other girls think, but I will be attracted by this kind of man. I didn’t tell people because it’s like curse my another half to be an orphan and its cruel, right? Some how I believe that I will feel safe beside this kind of man.

Maybe his ambition is too large until he won’t let him self to loose. It must be always profit for him. He will do a thing seriously because he knows if he fail, nobody is going to covered everything for him or back him up. In this way, it has trained his capability in doing everything. He is hard to believe others because he has nobody. He will feel that nobody is worth to get his trust. He will do everything alone, get the benefit alone and bear the lost all alone. This makes him become a persistent and reliable man.

Being woman of this kind of man, you will get all the love. Nobody like father, mother, brothers, sisters, cousins, or other relatives are going to devide his love from you, you are all he has in this world and he will give all the best that he has to you. He won’t simply trust people but to his woman, he won’t hide anything. He might not show his childish or weakness side to others and you as his woman is the one who will see and know his everything than anyone else.

Being protected? It’s absolutely. You are his only love and also his only family. He can’t manage to lose you. He will want to sacrifice everything for you… and what should you do as his woman? All you need to do is just love him and don’t you ever try to cheat or deceive him. Because he will make sure you finish.

For others, he is a dangerous and scary monster but to you, he just cute likes a child that expects more and more love from you and he loves you will his soul. I hope I can be woman of this kind of man but is it NORMAL to tell people that “I would like to marry an orphan???” I would definitely get scolded or slapped. Even this is democracy era and everyone is free to speak out their opinion, but not everything you think can be speak out… because it still taboo…

Now back to the orphans whom I used to teach, their faces are so cute, so pure and innocent. I wonder what kind of man they will be when they grew as adults. Will they be irresponsible men who like to make women cry for them? Will they cheat them? Will they turn to men who like to gamble or alcoholic and will hit their wives when they loose or drunk? Will they become men who will hit their wives when those poor women have no money to give them?

Or they will be men who will take care of their family, men who will give up everything to protect their women, men who patient listen to their spouses' childhood story, men who will love their another part till their entire lives?

I wonder…. Wonder… and wonder…
You say I like to think too much, I say I’m telling you what i think.

From now on, whenever you see a boy, will you wonder what kind of man he will turn to?